happy halloween yo'all! well, how was it for you all? well, it's not a big thing here but heck, there are parties which are planned here and there. so what did you all do? i for one know that there wasn't any parties for me. here i am in the office typing my blog while finishing off some work.
nothing eventful or happening for me.....was so knackered the whole day that i took a nap before heading out for a night cross with the team. was there till 10 something and came back to the office. that's about it. *sigh*
mood rating: 1 out of 10!
guess the exhaustion has really gotten to me this time. everyone asked whether am i alright and hardly do they see me with a jacket on. just needed someone to talk to and be all mushy and manja with.....but lo and behold....NONE of that available.... :-( yes...under this machine, there's still a lil kid which is HUMAN inside. why oh why the hell am i feeling like this and there's no one that i can turn to....was even turned down trying to manja with someone..... :-( oh well, i guess now is the time for me to try to pacify myself again what i told Jas last night:
"THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE IN THIS WORLD IS TO HELP IN ANY WAY AND TO BE A GUARDIAN ANGEL TO ALL"
just a lil pacifying words that i normally try tell myself whenever i feel all lonely and unappreciated. on that note, i'm quite touched that even though it has been 2 weeks since my birthday, my kids actually did a covert mission of getting me to go for dinner with them before doing their cross at ProJET. as we sat down and ordered, there came a paperbag. in it were pressies for me!! gosh! that's like my fourth birthday present for this year! yay! now this is a RECORD!! dammit! just made me melt that i nearly shed tears but heck! maintain macho!! hahaahh! THANKS A LOT GUYS AND GALS FOR THE PRESENT AND CARD! YOU ALL REALLY MAKE ME FEEL APPRECIATED.
wonder what is everyone else up to? well, would be good if you all could fill me in...the old rusty machine here.....
thank god the machine here will be off work for the whole week...yes yes....some of you would be saying "yeah right!" i know i know.....office and me just seem inseparable....like as though we are married to each other....okok...maybe too extreme....a long loving couple....NOOO!!!!!!! this ain't good!! yes yes.....i know....i've got my kitchen DIY thing planned out last week....and i'm going to get to it while i'm off work. fingers cross that it'll be a quick and good job and keeping my fingers cross that i don't turn it into some really awful kitchen. *fingers cross*
Monday, October 31, 2005
birthday analysis?
Your date of conception was on or about 30 January 1978.
You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 4.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443804.5.
The golden number for 1978 is 3.
The epact number for 1978 is 21.
The year 1978 was not a leap year.
As of 10/31/2005 10:06:43 AM CST
You are 27 years old.
You are 324 months old.
You are 1,410 weeks old.
You are 9,870 days old.
You are 236,890 hours old.
You are 14,213,406 minutes old.
You are 852,804,403 seconds old.
You are 3.86301369863014 dog years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 357 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 28 candles
Those 28 candles produce 28 BTUs,or 7,056 calories of heat (that's only 7.0560 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.20 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1978 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1978 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
Your birthstone is Tourmaline
The Mystical properties of Tourmaline
Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Jasper
Your birth tree is Maple, Independence of Mind
No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
There are 55 days till Christmas 2005!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning gibbous.
You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 4.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443804.5.
The golden number for 1978 is 3.
The epact number for 1978 is 21.
The year 1978 was not a leap year.
As of 10/31/2005 10:06:43 AM CST
You are 27 years old.
You are 324 months old.
You are 1,410 weeks old.
You are 9,870 days old.
You are 236,890 hours old.
You are 14,213,406 minutes old.
You are 852,804,403 seconds old.
You are 3.86301369863014 dog years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 357 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 28 candles
Those 28 candles produce 28 BTUs,or 7,056 calories of heat (that's only 7.0560 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.20 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1978 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1978 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
Your birthstone is Tourmaline
The Mystical properties of Tourmaline
Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Jasper
Your birth tree is Maple, Independence of Mind
No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
There are 55 days till Christmas 2005!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning gibbous.
name analysis?
There are 16 letters in your name.Those 16 letters total to 78There are 8 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.
The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
Your Soul Urge number is: 6
A Soul Urge number of 6 means: With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.
The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.
If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.
Your Inner Dream number is: 11
An Inner Dream number of 11 means: You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.
Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.
The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.
If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.
Your Soul Urge number is: 6
A Soul Urge number of 6 means: With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.
The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.
If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.
Your Inner Dream number is: 11
An Inner Dream number of 11 means: You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.
haaaiiiihhhh.....
rushed back to kl after the wedding dinner. definitely felt weird driving from malacca to kl in my formal wear.
anyway, had 3 passengers with me. 2 sitting in the back was fast asleep by the time i hit the highway. thank god my front passenger was awake. had a good time chatting and keeping myself awake by that.
it has been quite a while since i've had a good conversation which is a two way traffic...very interactive...interest about both what each other is up to.
well, thank you so very much Jas...for the chat and also yours of advise. appreciate it. sure miss having long chats with you. *hugz*
anyway, had 3 passengers with me. 2 sitting in the back was fast asleep by the time i hit the highway. thank god my front passenger was awake. had a good time chatting and keeping myself awake by that.
it has been quite a while since i've had a good conversation which is a two way traffic...very interactive...interest about both what each other is up to.
well, thank you so very much Jas...for the chat and also yours of advise. appreciate it. sure miss having long chats with you. *hugz*
gloomy day...
rain rain rain....just as i always thought i love the rain...but somehow today that's just not the case. think maybe it's further caused by the lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion from the weekend of travelling and wedding organising.
it has been 3 days since my last post. looking back in that 3 days, there are like loads of stuff that happened. if i were going to put it all in this posting, i think it'll be like quite a few pages. forget about it. will just bore everyone.
anyway, was back in malacca for an old school friend's wedding (2 years my senior). hmm...kind of low profile thing i guess. typical chinese thingy but without much hoo haa of hotel arrangements and things like that. it has been a while since i attended a wedding held in a school hall. sure was a whole different experience.
rushed back on friday night or rather saturday EARLY morning to make it in time for the "heng tai" meeting for what to do and all. got to the groom's place for a so-called bachelor's night...which pretty much revolves around a smiple buffet spread and get together with friends from school whom some i've not met up for quite a while. caught up with most of them and the usual bantering and teasing of each other.
after all that was done, went to peppermint cafe to chill, or rather watch footie. not my cuppa. was quite restless and hoping that the game would end soon. when it eventually ended, headed to a cybercafe for a few round of network games. gosh! found out how rusty i was with these games. another thing which i've not done for a long long long time. then was told by one of them that this is pretty much the saturday night thing that they do nowadays...coz most of us aren't party animals who patronises the pubs and disco places. we all sound like some 20-something fellas who are in their early mid-life crisis!
wedding day! weather was like so damn hot and humid! all the "heng tais" were already drenched in sweat even before the pickup of bride happened. left around 11 to the bride's place in a convoy of cars. then came the usual chinese thing of heng tais negotiating with the ji muis to open the door for us to get the bride. thank god it wasn't something too extreme as compared to some which i've come across.
gawd! talk about last minute things that the old folks can come out with....now this is why there should always be proper planning in advance to look into things that needs to be done from A-to-Z. thankfully it wasn't some really out of this world and out of the way kind of arrangement. felt really sorry for the groom.....
anyway, with these insights, it is quite confirmed to say that weddings aren't something which is easy to deal with, especially when the old folks get into the picture for this and that. isn't the wedding for the couple rather than the old folks?
i miss my bed.....i miss my comforter...i miss my pillows.....i miss my sleep!!
it has been 3 days since my last post. looking back in that 3 days, there are like loads of stuff that happened. if i were going to put it all in this posting, i think it'll be like quite a few pages. forget about it. will just bore everyone.
anyway, was back in malacca for an old school friend's wedding (2 years my senior). hmm...kind of low profile thing i guess. typical chinese thingy but without much hoo haa of hotel arrangements and things like that. it has been a while since i attended a wedding held in a school hall. sure was a whole different experience.
rushed back on friday night or rather saturday EARLY morning to make it in time for the "heng tai" meeting for what to do and all. got to the groom's place for a so-called bachelor's night...which pretty much revolves around a smiple buffet spread and get together with friends from school whom some i've not met up for quite a while. caught up with most of them and the usual bantering and teasing of each other.
after all that was done, went to peppermint cafe to chill, or rather watch footie. not my cuppa. was quite restless and hoping that the game would end soon. when it eventually ended, headed to a cybercafe for a few round of network games. gosh! found out how rusty i was with these games. another thing which i've not done for a long long long time. then was told by one of them that this is pretty much the saturday night thing that they do nowadays...coz most of us aren't party animals who patronises the pubs and disco places. we all sound like some 20-something fellas who are in their early mid-life crisis!
wedding day! weather was like so damn hot and humid! all the "heng tais" were already drenched in sweat even before the pickup of bride happened. left around 11 to the bride's place in a convoy of cars. then came the usual chinese thing of heng tais negotiating with the ji muis to open the door for us to get the bride. thank god it wasn't something too extreme as compared to some which i've come across.
gawd! talk about last minute things that the old folks can come out with....now this is why there should always be proper planning in advance to look into things that needs to be done from A-to-Z. thankfully it wasn't some really out of this world and out of the way kind of arrangement. felt really sorry for the groom.....
anyway, with these insights, it is quite confirmed to say that weddings aren't something which is easy to deal with, especially when the old folks get into the picture for this and that. isn't the wedding for the couple rather than the old folks?
i miss my bed.....i miss my comforter...i miss my pillows.....i miss my sleep!!
Friday, October 28, 2005
low blow 2
this week has been a pretty sucky week. can hardly concentrate and stay focused at work. don't know where to start. so many things running through my mind. i feel like i'm going to EXPLODE and my brains splattered all over the office. can't seem to get myself working properly. what could be the reason? exhaustion? stress? frustration? thinking too much?
arrgghh!! i give up on pasting the html codes for some test that i took on blogthings. keep getting error message that my html cannot be accepted.
oh well...haven't been been blogging for the past few days. all these mind boggling nonsense and frustration plus exhaustion has really gotten to me. just yesterday, it was announced, that as of 5pm (thursday) 27/10/05, our mother company, Media Prima has officially taken over 100% stake in ntv7. so now, Media Prima owns all private FTA (Free-To-Air) tv stations (TV3, 8TV, Channel 9, ntv7) other than tv1 and tv2. with that, media prima is turning into the likes of Mediacorp in singapore. what would this lead us to?
extracted from the star:
Friday October 28, 2005
Media Prima buys ntv7 for RM90mil
MEDIA Prima Bhd has agreed to buy Natseven TV Sdn Bhd, which owns and operates rival TV station ntv7, for RM90mil after helping the company deal with its debts.
Natseven, which will see its debt ring fenced, has net debt of RM145mil. Half the debt will be paid by the end of this year. The balance will be settled in three years, beginning in 2006.
The acquisition of ntv7 would see Media Prima control four free-to-air (FTA) TV stations in the country and catapult the company to the lead position in terms of viewers of the TV segment, including pay TV, where it will have a 48% share. Its share of advertising expenditure in the FTA segment will swell to 83%.
Apart from TV3, 8TV and ntv7, Media Prima is set to launch Channel 9 during the first quarter of next year.
“It is also the intention of Media Prima to manage and keep the brand of each TV network under its stable separate,'' Media Prima group managing director and CEO Abdul Rahman Ahmad said at a press conference in Kuala Lumpur yesterday.
Natseven has seen its revenue and profits slide over the past few years. The unaudited net loss for the six months to end-July was RM21.1mil and Rahman said ntv7 was forecast to generate revenue of RM90mil this year.
Media Prima chairman Datuk Abdul Mutalib Mohamed Razak (left) and Abdul Rahman Ahmad.
But Rahman said ntv7, with revenue ranging between RM100mil and RM120mil, will see its ebitda (earnings before income tax, depreciation and amortisation) profit swing into the black and contribute profits to Media Prima.
Apart from giving Media Prima a big share of viewers and advertising revenue, ntv7 can help Media Prima face the challenges of price discounting in TV advertisements.
Discounts given for TV ads are about 50%, the highest among media segments that include the radio and newspapers.
Rahman said Media Prima was targeting to save about RM15mil per year with ntv7, and the savings could be reinvested in improving the local content of its shows.
arrgghh!! i give up on pasting the html codes for some test that i took on blogthings. keep getting error message that my html cannot be accepted.
oh well...haven't been been blogging for the past few days. all these mind boggling nonsense and frustration plus exhaustion has really gotten to me. just yesterday, it was announced, that as of 5pm (thursday) 27/10/05, our mother company, Media Prima has officially taken over 100% stake in ntv7. so now, Media Prima owns all private FTA (Free-To-Air) tv stations (TV3, 8TV, Channel 9, ntv7) other than tv1 and tv2. with that, media prima is turning into the likes of Mediacorp in singapore. what would this lead us to?
extracted from the star:
Friday October 28, 2005
Media Prima buys ntv7 for RM90mil
MEDIA Prima Bhd has agreed to buy Natseven TV Sdn Bhd, which owns and operates rival TV station ntv7, for RM90mil after helping the company deal with its debts.
Natseven, which will see its debt ring fenced, has net debt of RM145mil. Half the debt will be paid by the end of this year. The balance will be settled in three years, beginning in 2006.
The acquisition of ntv7 would see Media Prima control four free-to-air (FTA) TV stations in the country and catapult the company to the lead position in terms of viewers of the TV segment, including pay TV, where it will have a 48% share. Its share of advertising expenditure in the FTA segment will swell to 83%.
Apart from TV3, 8TV and ntv7, Media Prima is set to launch Channel 9 during the first quarter of next year.
“It is also the intention of Media Prima to manage and keep the brand of each TV network under its stable separate,'' Media Prima group managing director and CEO Abdul Rahman Ahmad said at a press conference in Kuala Lumpur yesterday.
Natseven has seen its revenue and profits slide over the past few years. The unaudited net loss for the six months to end-July was RM21.1mil and Rahman said ntv7 was forecast to generate revenue of RM90mil this year.
Media Prima chairman Datuk Abdul Mutalib Mohamed Razak (left) and Abdul Rahman Ahmad.
But Rahman said ntv7, with revenue ranging between RM100mil and RM120mil, will see its ebitda (earnings before income tax, depreciation and amortisation) profit swing into the black and contribute profits to Media Prima.
Apart from giving Media Prima a big share of viewers and advertising revenue, ntv7 can help Media Prima face the challenges of price discounting in TV advertisements.
Discounts given for TV ads are about 50%, the highest among media segments that include the radio and newspapers.
Rahman said Media Prima was targeting to save about RM15mil per year with ntv7, and the savings could be reinvested in improving the local content of its shows.
low blow
this week has been a pretty sucky week. can hardly concentrate and stay focused at work. don't know where to start. so many things running through my mind. i feel like i'm going to EXPLODE and my brains splattered all over the office. can't seem to get myself working properly. what could be the reason? exhaustion? stress? frustration? thinking too much?
yeah right! never thought of what all those things say about me as something for REAL. oh well, as the saying goes..."take everything with a pinch of salt".
| Your Personality Profile |
 For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong. |
The World's Shortest Personality Test
| You Are A Maple Tree |
 There's not anyone in this world quite like you. You are full of imagination, ambition, and originality. Shy but confident, you hunger for new experiences. You have a good memory and learn easily. You are sometimes nervous and always complex (especially in love). |
What is Your Celtic Horoscope?
| You Are the Individualist |
You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel. |
What number are you?
| Your Birthdate: October 23 |
 You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion. |
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
yeah right! never thought of what all those things say about me as something for REAL. oh well, as the saying goes..."take everything with a pinch of salt".
Thursday, October 27, 2005
my hidden talent?
| Your Hidden Talent |
 |
hmmm...really? am yet to realise this.....
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
down down down....
day's been rather down today. so lost....just don't have the mood to work...can hardly concentrate...don't know where to start...wonder what could be causing all these....guess the most immediate answer is could think of it maybe exhaustion has caught up with me...feel like i'm going to get ill as well...VoRTeX the machine need to be checked and serviced........
just as i thought could just chill out with some colleagues at travellers, one got an assignment, one got some last minute appointment, one got to finish up a freelance job....*sigh* looks like it's going to be lonely VoRTeX all by himself...think i'll just cancel off the chill out session. just go for me facial and home for a simple dinner with myself........... *sigh*
just as i thought could just chill out with some colleagues at travellers, one got an assignment, one got some last minute appointment, one got to finish up a freelance job....*sigh* looks like it's going to be lonely VoRTeX all by himself...think i'll just cancel off the chill out session. just go for me facial and home for a simple dinner with myself........... *sigh*
beautifool?
Oh heck! Another day has passed by. Could hardly concentrate on work. By the time I fell asleep this morning, it was around 3.30am! gosh! Set the a/c to shutdown at 7am so that I could wake up by the time my alarms rang at 7.30am didn’t seem to work. Think maybe it’s due to biological clock gone haywire over the weekend….sleeping only around 5-6am and waking up around 11. by the time I really woke up this morning, it was already 9 something! 2 hours overdue from my wake up time. Think I might have switched off my alarm while I was still asleep. Thank god there wasn’t any meeting schedule this morning.
Jumped out of bed and got ready as fast as I could. Got to the office around 10 something and had breakfast with a colleague. Had a small talk about what’s in the papers this morning and about relationship. Darn! can't find that article online....
Only really started work around 11 something. Didn’t know where to start actually. Meddling here and there, and before I know it, time for lunch. Went for lunch with cavin, G and yvevonn. Got back to office to finish off some stuff and headed out to sunway (Zest) for a press conference for a new program, Malaysia’s Most Beautiful. Well, not so new to me actually. Anyway, got there and did a round of rehearsal. Gosh! Stage filled with 15 women of all age and sizes and backgrounds. Imagine all 15 of them living under the same roof. Juiciest thing would be what happens within the 4 walls. J trust me, it’s not something that most would imagine, all prim and proper. Hehehe…there are quite a lot of “dirt” that I heard from the production people. Oh well…the perks of working in this line…eheheh….. ;-)
Anyway, everything went smoothly….coz VoRTeX was there…ahahah!! “Here I come to save the day” LOL! Yeah yeah…maybe I might sound cocky or whatever, I do believe I delivered what normally would take more than 1 person to get it running smoothly, especially when the so-called briefing done last minute. *pat pat VoRTeX* by the time the press conference ended and packed up, was already 9 something…and it was raining. Hmm…2 days of no rain over the weekend and today it rains. That’s good…for me at least….VoRTeX loves the rain! :-Þ
Typing this in my room again, with the same settings as yesterday…room lighted only with the scented oil heater, lying in bed and the tv (playing “The Myth”) watching me. :-)
Well, I guess the neverending inquisitiveness of me for today would be, “what's the definition of beauty?” different people would have different thoughts and opinions. Inner beauty? Outer beauty? Which is more important? What’s the REAL meaning to it? Another very subjective matter….just with one word. Why does English have to be so complicated? Is there no direct answer to this? Guess the only explanation would be everyone’s different, hence the difference in ideas about beauty….some with an abstract answer, some with very straight forward answer, some with complicated answers, and the list goes on and on. Guess it’s just human to be like that….else if there’s a definite answer, we wouldn’t be humans, would we? Then it’ll be right or wrong, black or white…everything will be damn monotonous and boring……VoRTeX is still human….or maybe an android like the kid in A.I? hmmm….meybe……oh well, not going to ponder upon that anymore…time for some ZZZ… looking forward to my FREE facial session later today at 8pm, compliments from For Him, as my birthday treat. :-) yippie!! Now, when am I gonna get more pressies? VoRTeX want pressie…want many many pressies…VoRTeX never had such treat… :-( *stomp stomp…grumble grumble* still, am grateful for all the thoughts and presents i received.
Jumped out of bed and got ready as fast as I could. Got to the office around 10 something and had breakfast with a colleague. Had a small talk about what’s in the papers this morning and about relationship. Darn! can't find that article online....
Only really started work around 11 something. Didn’t know where to start actually. Meddling here and there, and before I know it, time for lunch. Went for lunch with cavin, G and yvevonn. Got back to office to finish off some stuff and headed out to sunway (Zest) for a press conference for a new program, Malaysia’s Most Beautiful. Well, not so new to me actually. Anyway, got there and did a round of rehearsal. Gosh! Stage filled with 15 women of all age and sizes and backgrounds. Imagine all 15 of them living under the same roof. Juiciest thing would be what happens within the 4 walls. J trust me, it’s not something that most would imagine, all prim and proper. Hehehe…there are quite a lot of “dirt” that I heard from the production people. Oh well…the perks of working in this line…eheheh….. ;-)
Anyway, everything went smoothly….coz VoRTeX was there…ahahah!! “Here I come to save the day” LOL! Yeah yeah…maybe I might sound cocky or whatever, I do believe I delivered what normally would take more than 1 person to get it running smoothly, especially when the so-called briefing done last minute. *pat pat VoRTeX* by the time the press conference ended and packed up, was already 9 something…and it was raining. Hmm…2 days of no rain over the weekend and today it rains. That’s good…for me at least….VoRTeX loves the rain! :-Þ
Typing this in my room again, with the same settings as yesterday…room lighted only with the scented oil heater, lying in bed and the tv (playing “The Myth”) watching me. :-)
Well, I guess the neverending inquisitiveness of me for today would be, “what's the definition of beauty?” different people would have different thoughts and opinions. Inner beauty? Outer beauty? Which is more important? What’s the REAL meaning to it? Another very subjective matter….just with one word. Why does English have to be so complicated? Is there no direct answer to this? Guess the only explanation would be everyone’s different, hence the difference in ideas about beauty….some with an abstract answer, some with very straight forward answer, some with complicated answers, and the list goes on and on. Guess it’s just human to be like that….else if there’s a definite answer, we wouldn’t be humans, would we? Then it’ll be right or wrong, black or white…everything will be damn monotonous and boring……VoRTeX is still human….or maybe an android like the kid in A.I? hmmm….meybe……oh well, not going to ponder upon that anymore…time for some ZZZ… looking forward to my FREE facial session later today at 8pm, compliments from For Him, as my birthday treat. :-) yippie!! Now, when am I gonna get more pressies? VoRTeX want pressie…want many many pressies…VoRTeX never had such treat… :-( *stomp stomp…grumble grumble* still, am grateful for all the thoughts and presents i received.
Monday, October 24, 2005
women....?
just got back from mamak with cavin. Had a long chat bout quite a lot of stuff but the main topic was about work and life…..the neverending questioning….
As a summary, there’s this thing which we can’t seem to understand or have a clear explanation, with regards to the female gender. Why is it that there’s this requirement of the guys that they would like to date or want to be with, have to be taller than them? Well, call it whatever you want, but I just can’t get the grasp of what’s the logic behind this. I do admit that I’m not in the tall guy category but what the heck….what’s with a person’s height that makes such a difference? Does it mean that a guy who is taller than his partner would be able to provide security?
Then comes the next question, what’s with women wanting to look for guys who are older than them? Agreeable that it has been the culture or even upbringing that the guy is normally older than the girl…but what’s wrong with dating a younger guy? 1 explanation I can think of would be the mindset of these guys. I don’t blame that sometimes the guys that these women date are immature and shallow, but then again, that doesn’t mean that all guys are like that. There are times where the guy is even smarter or more mature in mind than their so called older partner. So what’s with these kind of criterion? Guys are to be blames for their incompetence? Just because a few black sheeps are like that doesn’t mean the whole population of the male species are like that. What bout women who are already considered adults but can’t even plan their lives properly? Shoot me or kill me for that matter, but I think it’s really absurd to judge a guy by the way he looks. Why should be person be judged based on their appearance? True to the fact that your outlook reflects your personality but that’s not always the case. I’d vouch for that statement as the REAL me is not a reflection of what I look like externally.
Can anybody enlighten me on this? Call it male ego or whatever, but I am just not convinced by these reasons or rather excuses. How many taller and older guys can actually fulfill your requirements? Isn’t the consideration supposed to be as a whole package rather than just what you see from the outside? Why does it have to look like a taboo and a disadvantage for guys who are younger and vertically challenged?
Think i better stop here and get some zzz before I get totally burnt out later at work.
As a summary, there’s this thing which we can’t seem to understand or have a clear explanation, with regards to the female gender. Why is it that there’s this requirement of the guys that they would like to date or want to be with, have to be taller than them? Well, call it whatever you want, but I just can’t get the grasp of what’s the logic behind this. I do admit that I’m not in the tall guy category but what the heck….what’s with a person’s height that makes such a difference? Does it mean that a guy who is taller than his partner would be able to provide security?
Then comes the next question, what’s with women wanting to look for guys who are older than them? Agreeable that it has been the culture or even upbringing that the guy is normally older than the girl…but what’s wrong with dating a younger guy? 1 explanation I can think of would be the mindset of these guys. I don’t blame that sometimes the guys that these women date are immature and shallow, but then again, that doesn’t mean that all guys are like that. There are times where the guy is even smarter or more mature in mind than their so called older partner. So what’s with these kind of criterion? Guys are to be blames for their incompetence? Just because a few black sheeps are like that doesn’t mean the whole population of the male species are like that. What bout women who are already considered adults but can’t even plan their lives properly? Shoot me or kill me for that matter, but I think it’s really absurd to judge a guy by the way he looks. Why should be person be judged based on their appearance? True to the fact that your outlook reflects your personality but that’s not always the case. I’d vouch for that statement as the REAL me is not a reflection of what I look like externally.
Can anybody enlighten me on this? Call it male ego or whatever, but I am just not convinced by these reasons or rather excuses. How many taller and older guys can actually fulfill your requirements? Isn’t the consideration supposed to be as a whole package rather than just what you see from the outside? Why does it have to look like a taboo and a disadvantage for guys who are younger and vertically challenged?
Think i better stop here and get some zzz before I get totally burnt out later at work.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
*ho hum*
got back to kl just before dinner time. went over to munster's place to drop off some jelly. didn't make it in time for tennis. met a few new faces this time. emm...pardon my short memory, but can't remember everyone's name. think i'd need more gingko supplments? never good with names, especially when being introduced for the first time.
joined munster and her friends for a drink and then had dinner at this place called Friendster cafe. gosh! what a rip off of the logo and name. just wondering when would they be slapped with a lawsuit. anyway, dinner was just munster, syan and me. quite an interesting character this syan guy. dinner was alright but what's more interesting was the conversation. finished my dinner and went to the washroom. just as i got back to my seat, in the background were people singing happy birthday. that was when munster started, "wonder whose birthday is it?" turned around and saw a line of waiters bringing a slice of cake with a candle on. the cake was then placed on our table. gosh! surprise surprise surprise.....never much of a person who like surprises. but then again, somehow munster and syan managed to pull it off covertly. i kept saying "shouldn't have gone to the washroom"
nevertheless, i guess i was quite overwhelmed by the simple gesture. if i was like really awake and mind's working fast, i would have shed tears! i just realised something which never really occured on my mind. i guess i'm quite easily satisfied when it comes to gestures like this. doesn't matter if the material item is just something cheap and small. that's just material stuff. it comes and goes. what's more important is the thoughts that counts. that's PRICELESS! just can't get over it that this birthday is quite special in a sense that there were quite a few gestures which i never expected to happen to me...more of what i would plan for others.
munster, if you're reading this, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. you're the best. *hugz* you really touched the other side of me which i never realised was still in existence.
here i am in my room typing this blog while listening to Jay Chou. could be said that i'm getting in touch with my chinaman side or whatever. just thought i'd give it a try since i never really got to listening to chinese stuff. another reason would be the curiosity of why this guy is so likeable. 1 thing i know for sure would be his looks but that's not for me. i'd like to know better of what he is capable of musically.
anyway, am waiting for cavin to arrive and pick me up for mamak. he could nicely asked me what the hell am i doing at home on my birthday...ehheheh....really can't think of anything to say. guess the subliminal part of me just want to spend some quiet time by myself in the room with dim lights and aromatherapy to calm myself down and reflect on my weekend, or rather my birthday...what's been happening for the past 27 years.........many things come and go...many things happened...good and bad...sweet and bitter.....
lets see how much i can recall.....
2004: last year was just another day
2003: ago was the official trade launch for 8TV
2002: ………..
darn…can hardly remember…that’s how insignificant my birthdays are. :-(
joined munster and her friends for a drink and then had dinner at this place called Friendster cafe. gosh! what a rip off of the logo and name. just wondering when would they be slapped with a lawsuit. anyway, dinner was just munster, syan and me. quite an interesting character this syan guy. dinner was alright but what's more interesting was the conversation. finished my dinner and went to the washroom. just as i got back to my seat, in the background were people singing happy birthday. that was when munster started, "wonder whose birthday is it?" turned around and saw a line of waiters bringing a slice of cake with a candle on. the cake was then placed on our table. gosh! surprise surprise surprise.....never much of a person who like surprises. but then again, somehow munster and syan managed to pull it off covertly. i kept saying "shouldn't have gone to the washroom"
nevertheless, i guess i was quite overwhelmed by the simple gesture. if i was like really awake and mind's working fast, i would have shed tears! i just realised something which never really occured on my mind. i guess i'm quite easily satisfied when it comes to gestures like this. doesn't matter if the material item is just something cheap and small. that's just material stuff. it comes and goes. what's more important is the thoughts that counts. that's PRICELESS! just can't get over it that this birthday is quite special in a sense that there were quite a few gestures which i never expected to happen to me...more of what i would plan for others.
munster, if you're reading this, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. you're the best. *hugz* you really touched the other side of me which i never realised was still in existence.
here i am in my room typing this blog while listening to Jay Chou. could be said that i'm getting in touch with my chinaman side or whatever. just thought i'd give it a try since i never really got to listening to chinese stuff. another reason would be the curiosity of why this guy is so likeable. 1 thing i know for sure would be his looks but that's not for me. i'd like to know better of what he is capable of musically.
anyway, am waiting for cavin to arrive and pick me up for mamak. he could nicely asked me what the hell am i doing at home on my birthday...ehheheh....really can't think of anything to say. guess the subliminal part of me just want to spend some quiet time by myself in the room with dim lights and aromatherapy to calm myself down and reflect on my weekend, or rather my birthday...what's been happening for the past 27 years.........many things come and go...many things happened...good and bad...sweet and bitter.....
lets see how much i can recall.....
2004: last year was just another day
2003: ago was the official trade launch for 8TV
2002: ………..
darn…can hardly remember…that’s how insignificant my birthdays are. :-(
when love and hate collide
You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl
for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall
but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby
united we fall
Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know
I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby
time after time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
I don't wanna fight no more
I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby
like an act of war
I could tell a million lies
and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger
hits you right between the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
why are feelings so complicated?
so many things running through my mind....work...life....
the drive home after meeting up with the gang brought about many questions and thoughts. so many things that i'd like to do but never got to doing it. why? what's holding me back? call it excuses or whatever, but after much thoughts, it mainly boils downs to 2 main circumstances: TIME and MONEY. but i guess i shouldn't let that stop me from executing what i really want to do...especially with so many things happening around me...LIFE'S SHORT!
read a friend's blog and her latest post was about matters concerning love. can't agree more with her about getting over it and moving along. somehow, it seems easier said than done, in REALITY. theoratically, it all seems rather simple but when it comes to execution, there will always be some sort of barrier that stops us. wonder what could be the devil that holds us back? what i can think of in this instant is the conflict between rationale and emotions. we try to tell ourselves that we have to get this solved, over and done with...but somehow or rather, emotions always get in the way and cloud our minds with what we actually want to do. this affects the rationale side as well as the heart. why does it have to be this way? i salute to those of you who could actually stick by your decision on what to do and not let emotions take over. i, for one, am trying very hard to work things out myself.....the conflict between emotions and rationale.
next comes the part of why do we put up an invisible shield like as though everything's fine and well on our side? is it ego? it is guilt? is it.........(can't think of anything else at the moment). one thing i can't get (and i'm guilty of it as well i guess) is that why do we have these invisible shields? why do we stop ourselves from moving on and proceeding? is it due to the fear of being hurt again? fear of making the wrong moves or decisions?
but heck! this is L-I-F-E! everything is a gamble. there's no sure win. you win some you lose some. what is the meaning of life if you take the risk and gamble? it's just about the calculated risk that you're taking. but then again, you've got nobody to blame if you made the wrong decision nor could you blame yourself, coz if you never tried, you never know. decisions...decisions.....some could lead to a good outcome, some bad...but nevertheless, no matter how bad it is, there's always a lesson to be learnt from it. most importantly is to pick yourself up and move on. don't stay put at that situation and cry and get all depressed about it. be strong and learn the lesson out of it. as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy". you're never right all the time. every bad thing that happens, there are reasons to it. personally, i'd look at it as a blessing in disguise, especially if it's something that you discovered in the early stages that you were wrong. that doesn't mean if you found out about it in the later stages, it's the end of everything. tell yourself this, BE STRONG AND CALM. so what if you feel like breaking down. chill! you're just himan and it's just human to do that. trust me, that's one hell of a better way to vent it out rather than hurting yourself.
what's left for me to say here is don't be afraid to make the wrong decisions or move. learn a lesson from the downfalls. a simple metaphor would be a child. before he/she could walk, there would be many falls and injuries. though it hurts but at least the child knows what to do in the future, preventing himself/herself from falling down and hurting themself.
as an end for this long neverending post, i'd like to thank you for reading it from start till end. whether it makes sense to you or not, it's up to you to think about it. though i'm not too good with poems like what many people would be, i'd like to quote the words of these rap, which seems more REAL to me without having to think too deeply:
Over and Over
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me thought
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head
N Dey Say
Yeah, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah,
Let's Go
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh
Hold up stop now let me get a look at ya,
Damn girl I ain't seen you since prom,
Come to think about it I can't believe its been that long,
I heard your man locked down now how long he gone.... Oh dat long
How the hell he get time like that?
Three strikes with possession, aww he ain't comin back,
He left you with 2 kids and bills all around,
Plus you found out he had another chick cross-town,
It's always the darkness right before the sun rises
And you gotta stay strong for the kids in their eyes and
Please don't despise and go against all brothers and
have a hatred in your heart and take it out on another,
I hate to sound Tupacish now momma but keep your head up,
But you gon' make it I promise you keep your head up
And that, that don't kill you only makes you stronger
And the will to succeed will only feed the hunger,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohh
I was at the gas station and a man walked past
With his sign will work for food, clothes or cash
and he asked if he could pump my gas, so I let him
Clean the windshield and throw out the trash, so I let him (Hey)
I even asked a brother his name, where he was from, got kids man
and what's their ages
He kinda stuttered for a second, he kinda looked surprised that
anyone would even take an interest in his life
He said young brother dem the only words I done heard in the last
year that wasn't no
or get the fuck away from here
How could somthin so simple as general conversation
Mean much more than general conversation? (Hey)
You could tell life had beaten him down
Like he was in the title fight and this might be his last round
Sometimes the easiest things we take for granted
Until they gone, then realise we even had it,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohhhhh
I used to think that life had a plan for me
Until I realised life had to be planned by me, see that's the key
I only deal with what I can see cause over history, mystery brought
us nothin but misery
Man more people done died in the name of the lord
Than in any natural disaster, disease or gangwars
Before guns there was swords and they was killin each other
and what's changed to this day still killin each other
Killin a brother while another mother cries for help
Man! we need to help a brother find themself
Feed em light 1, 2, 3
Hey! that's something every brother should see and that's Fo' Real,
and that's Fo' Real, and that's Fo' Real
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh
the drive home after meeting up with the gang brought about many questions and thoughts. so many things that i'd like to do but never got to doing it. why? what's holding me back? call it excuses or whatever, but after much thoughts, it mainly boils downs to 2 main circumstances: TIME and MONEY. but i guess i shouldn't let that stop me from executing what i really want to do...especially with so many things happening around me...LIFE'S SHORT!
read a friend's blog and her latest post was about matters concerning love. can't agree more with her about getting over it and moving along. somehow, it seems easier said than done, in REALITY. theoratically, it all seems rather simple but when it comes to execution, there will always be some sort of barrier that stops us. wonder what could be the devil that holds us back? what i can think of in this instant is the conflict between rationale and emotions. we try to tell ourselves that we have to get this solved, over and done with...but somehow or rather, emotions always get in the way and cloud our minds with what we actually want to do. this affects the rationale side as well as the heart. why does it have to be this way? i salute to those of you who could actually stick by your decision on what to do and not let emotions take over. i, for one, am trying very hard to work things out myself.....the conflict between emotions and rationale.
next comes the part of why do we put up an invisible shield like as though everything's fine and well on our side? is it ego? it is guilt? is it.........(can't think of anything else at the moment). one thing i can't get (and i'm guilty of it as well i guess) is that why do we have these invisible shields? why do we stop ourselves from moving on and proceeding? is it due to the fear of being hurt again? fear of making the wrong moves or decisions?
but heck! this is L-I-F-E! everything is a gamble. there's no sure win. you win some you lose some. what is the meaning of life if you take the risk and gamble? it's just about the calculated risk that you're taking. but then again, you've got nobody to blame if you made the wrong decision nor could you blame yourself, coz if you never tried, you never know. decisions...decisions.....some could lead to a good outcome, some bad...but nevertheless, no matter how bad it is, there's always a lesson to be learnt from it. most importantly is to pick yourself up and move on. don't stay put at that situation and cry and get all depressed about it. be strong and learn the lesson out of it. as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy". you're never right all the time. every bad thing that happens, there are reasons to it. personally, i'd look at it as a blessing in disguise, especially if it's something that you discovered in the early stages that you were wrong. that doesn't mean if you found out about it in the later stages, it's the end of everything. tell yourself this, BE STRONG AND CALM. so what if you feel like breaking down. chill! you're just himan and it's just human to do that. trust me, that's one hell of a better way to vent it out rather than hurting yourself.
what's left for me to say here is don't be afraid to make the wrong decisions or move. learn a lesson from the downfalls. a simple metaphor would be a child. before he/she could walk, there would be many falls and injuries. though it hurts but at least the child knows what to do in the future, preventing himself/herself from falling down and hurting themself.
as an end for this long neverending post, i'd like to thank you for reading it from start till end. whether it makes sense to you or not, it's up to you to think about it. though i'm not too good with poems like what many people would be, i'd like to quote the words of these rap, which seems more REAL to me without having to think too deeply:
Over and Over
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me thought
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head
N Dey Say
Yeah, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah,
Let's Go
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh
Hold up stop now let me get a look at ya,
Damn girl I ain't seen you since prom,
Come to think about it I can't believe its been that long,
I heard your man locked down now how long he gone.... Oh dat long
How the hell he get time like that?
Three strikes with possession, aww he ain't comin back,
He left you with 2 kids and bills all around,
Plus you found out he had another chick cross-town,
It's always the darkness right before the sun rises
And you gotta stay strong for the kids in their eyes and
Please don't despise and go against all brothers and
have a hatred in your heart and take it out on another,
I hate to sound Tupacish now momma but keep your head up,
But you gon' make it I promise you keep your head up
And that, that don't kill you only makes you stronger
And the will to succeed will only feed the hunger,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohh
I was at the gas station and a man walked past
With his sign will work for food, clothes or cash
and he asked if he could pump my gas, so I let him
Clean the windshield and throw out the trash, so I let him (Hey)
I even asked a brother his name, where he was from, got kids man
and what's their ages
He kinda stuttered for a second, he kinda looked surprised that
anyone would even take an interest in his life
He said young brother dem the only words I done heard in the last
year that wasn't no
or get the fuck away from here
How could somthin so simple as general conversation
Mean much more than general conversation? (Hey)
You could tell life had beaten him down
Like he was in the title fight and this might be his last round
Sometimes the easiest things we take for granted
Until they gone, then realise we even had it,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohhhhh
I used to think that life had a plan for me
Until I realised life had to be planned by me, see that's the key
I only deal with what I can see cause over history, mystery brought
us nothin but misery
Man more people done died in the name of the lord
Than in any natural disaster, disease or gangwars
Before guns there was swords and they was killin each other
and what's changed to this day still killin each other
Killin a brother while another mother cries for help
Man! we need to help a brother find themself
Feed em light 1, 2, 3
Hey! that's something every brother should see and that's Fo' Real,
and that's Fo' Real, and that's Fo' Real
[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh
happy buuuurrrpppp-day!
happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeeee......, happy birthday to meeeeeeee...... yes yes...ok...i sound rather pathetic and extremely ironic. well, the REAL irony isn't even mentioned yet. imagine, having to put a reminder on my phone that it's my birthday. of all things, a buddy even said, "either you're damn forgetful or you're just plain pathetic!" well, my answer to him is BOTH! :-) oh well, i just had to explain myself why the hell did i have to put a reminder on my mobile that it's my birthday. it was done like months ago with the reason that i wouldn't know whether i'd be busy working on something at that very moment on some events or some last minute thing. :-)
anyway, met up with the gang in peppermint cafe. there were Lai, Teng Heng, Kia Wei, Kah Shun, Heidi, Siu Cheong, Cynthia, Eugene, Heng, Yik Chuang and this new guy which i was just introduced to, Frankie. well, initial thought for me was just to meet up with the gang, chill out and catch up on what have i been missing in my absence. little did i know, they had something planned out. first i was wished happy birthday by Heng and his "present" was "summoning" for his wedding. damn! didn't expect that at all...not this fast anyway...oh well, i guess age is catching up for him...ehehe....
so there i was, going about chit-chatting with some of them while the others were watching footie on the big screen. as soon as the game ended, out of nowhere, a cake appeared on the table. gawd! there were 2 teletubbies for deco!! my worst nightmare!! well, didn't care that much bout those aliens at that time. mind was more of feeling rather touched that they planned that. didn't matter if it was just a cake, but for me, the thoughts were the one that counted most. thanks a lot guys. really appreciate it.
thank god they didn't sing the whole "happy birthday" song. would have been so embarassed and blushed like a tomato. luckily the lighting wasn't too bright in there. :-)
anyway, met up with the gang in peppermint cafe. there were Lai, Teng Heng, Kia Wei, Kah Shun, Heidi, Siu Cheong, Cynthia, Eugene, Heng, Yik Chuang and this new guy which i was just introduced to, Frankie. well, initial thought for me was just to meet up with the gang, chill out and catch up on what have i been missing in my absence. little did i know, they had something planned out. first i was wished happy birthday by Heng and his "present" was "summoning" for his wedding. damn! didn't expect that at all...not this fast anyway...oh well, i guess age is catching up for him...ehehe....
so there i was, going about chit-chatting with some of them while the others were watching footie on the big screen. as soon as the game ended, out of nowhere, a cake appeared on the table. gawd! there were 2 teletubbies for deco!! my worst nightmare!! well, didn't care that much bout those aliens at that time. mind was more of feeling rather touched that they planned that. didn't matter if it was just a cake, but for me, the thoughts were the one that counted most. thanks a lot guys. really appreciate it.
thank god they didn't sing the whole "happy birthday" song. would have been so embarassed and blushed like a tomato. luckily the lighting wasn't too bright in there. :-)
the SICK aliens (teletubbies)
that came as deco on the cake!
anyway, left the place about half an hour after the commotion ended. was surprised with an sms from someone whom i know from work some time ago. didn't think that he would have remembered my day. gosh! wonder how many more of these heart-melting things can i take.....
as usual, the night just couldn't end like that...so Yik Chuang, Lai, Kia Wei, Teng Heng and me headed to the cybercafe for some network game. was just there watching them play, as i wasn't too keen on the game that they were playing and neither do i have any knowledge of the game. as i was sitting and watching, got another 2 sms from my "kids" wishing me happy birthday. 1 was from Chris saying, "Happy Birthday pa!" gosh! suddenly i felt like some fatherly figure. then another came from Felix saying, "happy birthday boss! enjoy yourself. you're the best boss and you rock!" to that, i just had to reply, "enough with this boss thing. we are a team and family."
well, left the cafe around 2 something and headed home, while it was still drizzling. yeah...the weather is doing all the crying for me....hey! call me a cry baby for all i care, but i'm just quite honoured and touched by the simple gestures that these people has done for me. though i might look all tough and cold and hard, but i'm still human. i do have feelings too.
REALITY check: i'm still human...not a total machine yet.
how i wish at this moment that there's someone special with me...just to spend some time together with nice warm cuddles from each other......any takers? :-s
Saturday, October 22, 2005
*yaaawwwwnnnn*
been quite a tiring day. was woken up by dad asking where are my house keys. in a daze i replied that it's in the car, without giving much thought why he asked me that. think about 15 mins later, was woken up by mum to have breakfast or rather brunch...at 11 something. slowly rolled myself out of bed and staggered to the bathroom to wash up and get my arse downstairs for brunch with mum and dad. while eating, that was when i actually found out what exactly was the reason why dad asked me where are my house keys. as usual, dad trying to be mr. fix-it-all superhero, smartly fiddled with the fuses in the car trying to fix the audio player. he nicely left the car keys in the ignition, shut the door and nicely went about removing and inserting all the fuses within the engine compartment. little did he know that he removed the fuse for the alarm system, and when he put it back, the whole car alarm was reset and all doors were locked! *sigh* from there, all solutions were thought of, getting the locksmith to open it (which would cost about RM120 together with other damages), breaking the window (which would cost about RM300 plus). so the final decision was to head back to kl and get the spare keys. man! just within 10 hours since i arrived home in malacca, i've covered more than 300km of travelling. could hardly keep awake throughout the journey. felt bad that dad was doing all the driving. wanted to offer myself to drive, but i guess it wasn't such a good idea with me dozing off intermittenly.
got back from kl around 4pm and rushed off to the accesory shop to get the audio player fixed. thank god the technician said it was fixable with a minimal cost of about RM60. that's not too bad. just needed to leave it with him and come pick it up later today. keeping my fingers cross that the problem would be solved. *pray pray*
anyway, went out for dinner with parents...kind of an informal birthday celebration thing. just a simple dinner. couldn't even decide what to have. ended up driving around town trying to figure out what to have and finally decided on one of these chinese restaurant, "bei zhan". food was alright but was rather disappointed that the steamed cod fish didn't turn out good. had it taken back and thank god they were nice enough to not charge us for it. well, it wasn't our fault that the fish didn't taste fresh and the meat was tough and fishy in taste.
finished dinner and headed home without much pomp or fuss. wished that the whole family: sister, brother, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nephew could have been there for the dinner. sure miss the family get-together thing. *sigh* never thought i would feel like this......... :-S
got back from kl around 4pm and rushed off to the accesory shop to get the audio player fixed. thank god the technician said it was fixable with a minimal cost of about RM60. that's not too bad. just needed to leave it with him and come pick it up later today. keeping my fingers cross that the problem would be solved. *pray pray*
anyway, went out for dinner with parents...kind of an informal birthday celebration thing. just a simple dinner. couldn't even decide what to have. ended up driving around town trying to figure out what to have and finally decided on one of these chinese restaurant, "bei zhan". food was alright but was rather disappointed that the steamed cod fish didn't turn out good. had it taken back and thank god they were nice enough to not charge us for it. well, it wasn't our fault that the fish didn't taste fresh and the meat was tough and fishy in taste.
finished dinner and headed home without much pomp or fuss. wished that the whole family: sister, brother, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and nephew could have been there for the dinner. sure miss the family get-together thing. *sigh* never thought i would feel like this......... :-S
home sweet home
yay! finally back home in malacca. the drive was very boring i must say....without any music to accompany and entertain me. *sigh* got to get it fixed later today. rained quite a bit when i was about to arrive. 
got home and was nicely greeted by the 2 doggies, Rex aka "Fatty" and Brownie aka "Ah Beng". :-) miss them so much. glad to see that Rex is moving more actively now as compared to the last time when i was back.
took out the jelly that my colleagues left for me from their house warming party and tried to place it in the fridge. gosh! my parents are C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N-S! there's like this really HUMONGOUS fridge in the kitchen and another single door fridge in the living area. to my horror, both fridges were fully packed!!!! goodness gracious! guess no matter how big a refrigerator my parents get, it'll definitely be filled...but with what.....that i really wonder....
oh! another surprise for me.....pressies from Munster! yay yay! happy grouchy grouch VoRTeX! :-)) oops.....probably it should be happy happy VoRTeX. :-)) so nice and sweet of you to remember and got something for me. really appreciate it. thank you thank you thank you....just felt like giving Munster a BIG BIG hug. :-)
ok...time to catch some zzzzzzz before it go totally bonkers....vision getting blurred........
got home and was nicely greeted by the 2 doggies, Rex aka "Fatty" and Brownie aka "Ah Beng". :-) miss them so much. glad to see that Rex is moving more actively now as compared to the last time when i was back.
took out the jelly that my colleagues left for me from their house warming party and tried to place it in the fridge. gosh! my parents are C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N-S! there's like this really HUMONGOUS fridge in the kitchen and another single door fridge in the living area. to my horror, both fridges were fully packed!!!! goodness gracious! guess no matter how big a refrigerator my parents get, it'll definitely be filled...but with what.....that i really wonder....
oh! another surprise for me.....pressies from Munster! yay yay! happy grouchy grouch VoRTeX! :-)) oops.....probably it should be happy happy VoRTeX. :-)) so nice and sweet of you to remember and got something for me. really appreciate it. thank you thank you thank you....just felt like giving Munster a BIG BIG hug. :-)
ok...time to catch some zzzzzzz before it go totally bonkers....vision getting blurred........
Friday, October 21, 2005
bwaaahh!
went to the curve for lunch with Shorty and Piggy. met up with another colleague, U2 and her bf. had a good laugh while having lunch, targeting on her...ehehe....sorry la...can't help it. just needed to. LOL!
anyway, after lunch, went over to "For Him" to check with them what exactly was it about that someone from there called me for coz halfway talking to the person, mobile dieded. found out that they are giving me a FREE express facial treatment for my birthday!! yay! this means i don't have to spend money for my facial this month!! yuppie! :-) got it all scheduled for next tuesday night. got to make sure that my schedule in the office is cleared by 7.30pm the LATEST.
came back to the office to continue work and out of the blue, a colleague handed me something from "Sun Moulin" and told me that it's my early birthday pressie. awwww....so sweet of her.....
man....this is so touching....there are people who actually remembered me birthday....when i am not even thinking about it....just maybe spending some time with family and taking them out for dinner.... *sob sob* :`) but these are tears of happiness...not sorrow......
anyway, after lunch, went over to "For Him" to check with them what exactly was it about that someone from there called me for coz halfway talking to the person, mobile dieded. found out that they are giving me a FREE express facial treatment for my birthday!! yay! this means i don't have to spend money for my facial this month!! yuppie! :-) got it all scheduled for next tuesday night. got to make sure that my schedule in the office is cleared by 7.30pm the LATEST.
came back to the office to continue work and out of the blue, a colleague handed me something from "Sun Moulin" and told me that it's my early birthday pressie. awwww....so sweet of her.....
man....this is so touching....there are people who actually remembered me birthday....when i am not even thinking about it....just maybe spending some time with family and taking them out for dinner.... *sob sob* :`) but these are tears of happiness...not sorrow......
holiday?
felt really weird when i woke up this morning....was trying to figure out what day it was...took me quite a to figure it out...friday...public holiday...no wonder i stayed up so "early" this morning. took me about 2 hours to finally fill up the CD tower rack that has been sitting empty for about a week. got to go and get another 1 rack. can't believe how much of CDs my ex-housemate left behind before he went MIA. that's not even including the CDs that i have in my room. after i was done arranging the CDs, flipped through IKEA's 2006 catalogue and actually came across something which caught my eyes. it was a kitchen setup. immediately took out the measuring tape and did some measurements....damn! it fits perfectly and it's exactly what i'm looking for! yay! that's when REALITY kicked me in the butt....it cost RM2k plus!! damn! where the hell am i supposed to puke that amount just like that. *sigh* oh well, i'll just keep dreaming for it....
going to go get the CD tower rack as soon as i leave the office. got to get all these darn paperwork out of the way....dammit! how i wish i've got a laptop with me now that i could work from home.....*sigh* maybe i shoujld write a letter to santa. :-)
"dear santa, i've been a good boy this year. i would like to wish for a new kitchen, a laptop, a PDA, a new car, renovation on my house and last but not least.....good health for everyone at home, especially ol' Rex who seems to be really sick. :-(
going to go get the CD tower rack as soon as i leave the office. got to get all these darn paperwork out of the way....dammit! how i wish i've got a laptop with me now that i could work from home.....*sigh* maybe i shoujld write a letter to santa. :-)
"dear santa, i've been a good boy this year. i would like to wish for a new kitchen, a laptop, a PDA, a new car, renovation on my house and last but not least.....good health for everyone at home, especially ol' Rex who seems to be really sick. :-(
Thursday, October 20, 2005
rainy day....
been quite a wet day literally....got to the office and it was puring cats and dogs...thank god i had my sandals in the car. got to office and it was chilly....but i can bet that everyone else was FREEZING! hehehe... yes...office is like a big huge freezer. most ideal for me though....
got online and the first thing i got was a message on YM from babypurpl asking "have you heard?" i was like huh? heard what? and that's when i found out that the PM's wife passed away this morning at 7.55am. gosh! that's quite a shock as the last news i read in the papers was she is back from overseas after some treatment and doing fine. guess it's just REALITY hitting again that things will happen unexpectedly, just like a friend who passed away 2 weeks ago. still didn't believe that it was for REAL till i turned around to the communal tv set behind me and saw that it's was prayers on broadcast rather than the usual programme. and i was thinking what channel was it on with prayers going on and on.....
just slightly after noon, my boss comes up to me and asks for a favour. "simon, need you to help look for these songs" and shoved a list of it to me. first answer without even thinking, "there's no open connection in the office". oh well, that's a bad habit that i have when it comes to anything relating to my boss...ehehe....asked my colleague who's in charge of the website and was told that the interactive department has a computer with open connection. so there i go...quickly rushed off downstairs and searched for the songs. oops...yes yes...before anyone blames me for downloading mp3s for free, it's just something which we needed rather urgently..... :-S ok..anyway, found the songs i needed and started downloading. while waiting, was watching what's going on air...quite interesting messages that were appearing on the sms chat thing. there were like a neverending flow of condolence sms to the PM and family. tried to check on bernama's site for more updates but somehow i think it was all jammed up. then out of a sudden, oops...think i better not put in what my colleague said, else we might end up in ISA. :-)
went to client's office to pick up some samples for the team to utilise. gawd! of all times, the soles of my shoes started coming loose. darn! need to get it glued again. oh well, luckily it's still intact. got the consignment of samples and thought i'd make them a lil happy with some M&M's. santa came early!! heheh.....glad that the lil packets of M&M chocolates brought some happiness to some people who i guess must have had a not so smooth day. feels really good to be able to brighten up people's lives with just a little bit. what's more meaningful to me is that they appreciate it. :-)) happy happy VoRTeX....eheheh....
by the time i got back to office, traffic was already bad and it was pouring. thank god i was driving the team's vehicle that allows me to go to the basement parking lot. :-) unloaded the samples, all 14 boxes of it by myself and became the santa in the office again. :-)
here i go again...getting mental block....don't know whether it's the coldness or just purely too many things running on my mind. hmm...don't know whether it was GOD grieving or just coincidence but the rain never seemed to end...it just went on and on and on.
on another note, so so happy that i managed to save a life today....yes...a LIFE! heheh....okok...though it wasn't a big thing, just the life of a lil goldfish. gawd! how paranoid my colleague was this morning when she found out the fish was floating on the surface upside down. just had to put my boy scouts skills and logic sense to work. suddenly i turned into a vet! hahaha! that's a joke....oh well, took the fishy out of the bowl it was in and transferred it into another container with a lukewarm water and tickled it a bit...ehehe...yes..tickle...well, it was said that it does help to stroke the fish's belly. heey! don't get any ideas that i was getting kinky with a lil goldfish! so there i was changing the water in the pantry....making sure the water's a bit warm for the fishy to swim in while being placed in the "freezer". well, i just took a peek at the fishy and it's doing just fine. another good deed! yay!! hehehe...just trying to console myself out of all the shitty things.
think i'll just pack up and leave for home. yay! it's going to be a long weekend!! not that it would make a big difference to me anyway.....guess i'll just enjoy the thoughts of it.....have a good long weekend yo'all. hmm....such a nice weather for....something hot and soupy...mmm.....and something i crave most...TLC and cuddles.....*bwaaaahhhh* :-(
got online and the first thing i got was a message on YM from babypurpl asking "have you heard?" i was like huh? heard what? and that's when i found out that the PM's wife passed away this morning at 7.55am. gosh! that's quite a shock as the last news i read in the papers was she is back from overseas after some treatment and doing fine. guess it's just REALITY hitting again that things will happen unexpectedly, just like a friend who passed away 2 weeks ago. still didn't believe that it was for REAL till i turned around to the communal tv set behind me and saw that it's was prayers on broadcast rather than the usual programme. and i was thinking what channel was it on with prayers going on and on.....
just slightly after noon, my boss comes up to me and asks for a favour. "simon, need you to help look for these songs" and shoved a list of it to me. first answer without even thinking, "there's no open connection in the office". oh well, that's a bad habit that i have when it comes to anything relating to my boss...ehehe....asked my colleague who's in charge of the website and was told that the interactive department has a computer with open connection. so there i go...quickly rushed off downstairs and searched for the songs. oops...yes yes...before anyone blames me for downloading mp3s for free, it's just something which we needed rather urgently..... :-S ok..anyway, found the songs i needed and started downloading. while waiting, was watching what's going on air...quite interesting messages that were appearing on the sms chat thing. there were like a neverending flow of condolence sms to the PM and family. tried to check on bernama's site for more updates but somehow i think it was all jammed up. then out of a sudden, oops...think i better not put in what my colleague said, else we might end up in ISA. :-)
went to client's office to pick up some samples for the team to utilise. gawd! of all times, the soles of my shoes started coming loose. darn! need to get it glued again. oh well, luckily it's still intact. got the consignment of samples and thought i'd make them a lil happy with some M&M's. santa came early!! heheh.....glad that the lil packets of M&M chocolates brought some happiness to some people who i guess must have had a not so smooth day. feels really good to be able to brighten up people's lives with just a little bit. what's more meaningful to me is that they appreciate it. :-)) happy happy VoRTeX....eheheh....
by the time i got back to office, traffic was already bad and it was pouring. thank god i was driving the team's vehicle that allows me to go to the basement parking lot. :-) unloaded the samples, all 14 boxes of it by myself and became the santa in the office again. :-)
here i go again...getting mental block....don't know whether it's the coldness or just purely too many things running on my mind. hmm...don't know whether it was GOD grieving or just coincidence but the rain never seemed to end...it just went on and on and on.
on another note, so so happy that i managed to save a life today....yes...a LIFE! heheh....okok...though it wasn't a big thing, just the life of a lil goldfish. gawd! how paranoid my colleague was this morning when she found out the fish was floating on the surface upside down. just had to put my boy scouts skills and logic sense to work. suddenly i turned into a vet! hahaha! that's a joke....oh well, took the fishy out of the bowl it was in and transferred it into another container with a lukewarm water and tickled it a bit...ehehe...yes..tickle...well, it was said that it does help to stroke the fish's belly. heey! don't get any ideas that i was getting kinky with a lil goldfish! so there i was changing the water in the pantry....making sure the water's a bit warm for the fishy to swim in while being placed in the "freezer". well, i just took a peek at the fishy and it's doing just fine. another good deed! yay!! hehehe...just trying to console myself out of all the shitty things.
think i'll just pack up and leave for home. yay! it's going to be a long weekend!! not that it would make a big difference to me anyway.....guess i'll just enjoy the thoughts of it.....have a good long weekend yo'all. hmm....such a nice weather for....something hot and soupy...mmm.....and something i crave most...TLC and cuddles.....*bwaaaahhhh* :-(
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
crap! crap! F****** CRAP!!!!
oh heck! what a day it has been.....*sigh* woke up really early this morning but ended up snoozing till 8 something. how i just wished at that moment i don't have to crawl out of bed and get to work. finally rolled myself off the bed and staggered to the bathroom to wash up and get changed. just as i was warming up my car, realised that the darn cat has gone about with its delinquent habits....taking a dump at the sandy area on my porch....DAMN CAT!! wait till i get you!! had to just do the unwanted thing of clearing out its poo. dammit!
drove to the car accesory shop to see if i could be my car player fixed. yes! 3 days has gone and i'm still driving around without any audio! they weren't even open! damn...so made my way to pick the Dogster up. sent him an sms when i was just round the corner, mentioning "i'll be there in 10secs". when i was in front of his house, he thought i meant 10 mins! talk about blur! heheehe.... well, sure was good to have company in the car, talking away, rather than just the sound of engine humming all by myself.
got to office and hardly started on anything, had to rush out to the proton service centre for my appointment. called them on monday for an appointment with the technician for him to diagnose what's the problem with the player and how long would it take if they were to send it back to the vendor. of all things that i heard over the phone, "sorry, our schedule is full today. the earliest is wenesday, 10.45am". yeah right! like as though it's so DAMN TOUGH to just arrange for the technician to have a look at it. well, when i got to the service centre, it was 10 mins past my appointment time. parked my car IN the service area itself as there wasn't any sign nor anyone to direct me where to go. got out of the car and headed to the counter, not giving a damn whether i could park there or not. got to the counter, stood there like a damn fool for 5 mins without anyone approaching to assist. saw the sign that said to get the queue number. inquired from the reception counter and was told to go to the service counter. fine...got there and asked where could i get the queue number. was asked whether i've got an appointment. answered my appointment was at 10.45am, then she told one of the guy at another counter to issue me a queue number. when i got my ticket, it says "4011". looked up at the queue counter and it was at 1011. DAMMIT! what the hell! that's like 3000 numbers away! oh well, since i'm here already, might as well wait a bit. so there i was, continued waiting for the next 10 mins. most ironic thing was in that 10 mins, not a single number moved. it was stuck at 1011!!!! was damn furious by that time that i just told the lady to cancel my appointment. gosh! felt like i was back in some government office or RTM! DEJA VU!! AARRGGGHHHH!!!! left the service centre in a rish and headed to SONY service centre to send my MD car player for them to check on what's the problem. hope it wouldn't cost me a bomb to fix, as the previous owner told me that he was told that it might cost around RM300 plus to fix! damn! that's A LOT of money! think if after the diagnosis, it's still going to cost around RM300 plus to fix, i'll just take the unit back and buy a whole new player. but then again, i'd still have to pay RM20 for service charges. *sigh* more money going out....
got back to the office and started off with clearing out my totally messed up table and drawers. had quite a time feeding the paper shredder. things for worst after lunch. damn!! some problem with what was promised to client for sponsoring the 8 Team. didn't even know that there was supposed to be exposure on the "Jukebox" segment. how the hell is it going to be done??? sales person came looking for me to inquire what's the solutions. just when i caught sight of her approaching, there i go screaming, "AAAARRGGGGHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she informed me that my boss has been e-mailed about this and awaiting for her feedback. yes yes....feedback...at the end, it'll just be dumped on to me to solve the problem. she called me to her cubicle and asked, "how? it's part of the commitment to client." told her that it was initially supposed to be using the 3G service of video call that telcos are offering, but she knows for a fact that it's not workable coz the feed sucks big time!! and her "solution" was speak to the technical person to get a camera and get my guys to shoot. that means mobilising one more extra person to shoot! oh well, ok...i'll try to get the camera, but then editing? that's another problem...editing and scheduling for it to go on-air! dammit! problems not solved yet!! does it seem like i've got the words "problem solver, miracle maker, magician" written all over my forehead and body?
mood so totally spoiled with all these nonsense.....more head cracking problems with halloween just around the corner, movie premieres, new programmes, press conferences, meet-the-fans sessions, and the list just goes on and on. getting damn fed up! filled up my leave form for next week, but somehow i get a feeling that my boss isn't going to approve it. keeping my fingers cross on that.
how i wish i have someone that i can really talk to and get all these off my mind and chest... :-( weather ain't helping as well....love the rain but somehow, just gets my mind wishing that there's someone that i could cuddle up with...................
drove to the car accesory shop to see if i could be my car player fixed. yes! 3 days has gone and i'm still driving around without any audio! they weren't even open! damn...so made my way to pick the Dogster up. sent him an sms when i was just round the corner, mentioning "i'll be there in 10secs". when i was in front of his house, he thought i meant 10 mins! talk about blur! heheehe.... well, sure was good to have company in the car, talking away, rather than just the sound of engine humming all by myself.
got to office and hardly started on anything, had to rush out to the proton service centre for my appointment. called them on monday for an appointment with the technician for him to diagnose what's the problem with the player and how long would it take if they were to send it back to the vendor. of all things that i heard over the phone, "sorry, our schedule is full today. the earliest is wenesday, 10.45am". yeah right! like as though it's so DAMN TOUGH to just arrange for the technician to have a look at it. well, when i got to the service centre, it was 10 mins past my appointment time. parked my car IN the service area itself as there wasn't any sign nor anyone to direct me where to go. got out of the car and headed to the counter, not giving a damn whether i could park there or not. got to the counter, stood there like a damn fool for 5 mins without anyone approaching to assist. saw the sign that said to get the queue number. inquired from the reception counter and was told to go to the service counter. fine...got there and asked where could i get the queue number. was asked whether i've got an appointment. answered my appointment was at 10.45am, then she told one of the guy at another counter to issue me a queue number. when i got my ticket, it says "4011". looked up at the queue counter and it was at 1011. DAMMIT! what the hell! that's like 3000 numbers away! oh well, since i'm here already, might as well wait a bit. so there i was, continued waiting for the next 10 mins. most ironic thing was in that 10 mins, not a single number moved. it was stuck at 1011!!!! was damn furious by that time that i just told the lady to cancel my appointment. gosh! felt like i was back in some government office or RTM! DEJA VU!! AARRGGGHHHH!!!! left the service centre in a rish and headed to SONY service centre to send my MD car player for them to check on what's the problem. hope it wouldn't cost me a bomb to fix, as the previous owner told me that he was told that it might cost around RM300 plus to fix! damn! that's A LOT of money! think if after the diagnosis, it's still going to cost around RM300 plus to fix, i'll just take the unit back and buy a whole new player. but then again, i'd still have to pay RM20 for service charges. *sigh* more money going out....
got back to the office and started off with clearing out my totally messed up table and drawers. had quite a time feeding the paper shredder. things for worst after lunch. damn!! some problem with what was promised to client for sponsoring the 8 Team. didn't even know that there was supposed to be exposure on the "Jukebox" segment. how the hell is it going to be done??? sales person came looking for me to inquire what's the solutions. just when i caught sight of her approaching, there i go screaming, "AAAARRGGGGHHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" she informed me that my boss has been e-mailed about this and awaiting for her feedback. yes yes....feedback...at the end, it'll just be dumped on to me to solve the problem. she called me to her cubicle and asked, "how? it's part of the commitment to client." told her that it was initially supposed to be using the 3G service of video call that telcos are offering, but she knows for a fact that it's not workable coz the feed sucks big time!! and her "solution" was speak to the technical person to get a camera and get my guys to shoot. that means mobilising one more extra person to shoot! oh well, ok...i'll try to get the camera, but then editing? that's another problem...editing and scheduling for it to go on-air! dammit! problems not solved yet!! does it seem like i've got the words "problem solver, miracle maker, magician" written all over my forehead and body?
mood so totally spoiled with all these nonsense.....more head cracking problems with halloween just around the corner, movie premieres, new programmes, press conferences, meet-the-fans sessions, and the list just goes on and on. getting damn fed up! filled up my leave form for next week, but somehow i get a feeling that my boss isn't going to approve it. keeping my fingers cross on that.
how i wish i have someone that i can really talk to and get all these off my mind and chest... :-( weather ain't helping as well....love the rain but somehow, just gets my mind wishing that there's someone that i could cuddle up with...................
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
another day.....
here i go again....another day....another hour...another minute...another second....ANOTHER LONG LONG LONG DAY!! day's been filled with recee and meetings....can hardly put my mind back to working mode....don't even know where to start. gawd!! this so called "chill out" music that's playing on my YM is really killing me!! dammit! what is not killing me anyway.... *sigh*
how i wish for my comfy bed and just plonk down and just go to sleep. "here i go again on my own...." was just talking to one of my suppliers and he just had to point out the eye luggage that's so obvious....mind you...it's luggage...not eye bag!
when would there ever be a day where i don't have to start and end with adrenaline rush? maybe when i'm like REALLY and LITERALLY 6 feet under.
as i was having lunch after a recee in sg. wang with 2 other colleagues, we were having a discussion about work and company. she even pointed out that my boss relies so much on me to do everything. hey! that's nice...looks like there's at lease someone who sees and understand what i'm going through, rather than having a picture that i'm such a complainer with no reasons. :-) suddenly there's like so many options internally under the mother company that's available...but it's a matter of whether should i go for it or not....decisions decisions....why the hell are there so many decisions to be made?
oh well, back to work, i guess i'm just so bloody demotivated to actually give my best with work nowadays. i'm just so exhausted and stressed out. can't seem to focus and concentrate at all. somehow there'll always be some distraction that butts in and gets my mind off to something else....think i've got to figure out some kind of system of working more systematically. maybe i should start issuing forms for any inquiries.... ;-)
mind's gone off to figure out what to have for dinner.....hmm...home-made tuna burger? talking about that, so happy that my experiment with it turned out just F-I-N-E! :-) improvised it from a recipe that was published on "Men's Health", which was just grilled, but me made it into a tuna burger pate. mmm....guess i'll have that for dinner....or maybe it should be supper, by the time i get home anyway.
just been "invited" to go kill ourselves together by one of the producers....think i'll just go and do that....back in a moment.......................................................
aaahhhh......back from killing myself.....the balcony is such a communial area....glad that i managed to help my colleague in her search for those food stuff to shoot for her programme. ah....another good deed....*ding* 1 point added to myself...... weather can really just change in an instant nowadays....just about 6 something, it was all bright and sunny that i can see the reflection on my monitor....10 minutes later when i stepped out to "kill" myself, it was pouring cats and dogs.
mmm....dug into a pack of mamee....gosh! taste sooooo goood!! or maybe i'm just so darn hungry. man..the content of it has shrunk so much compared to the days when i was still back in primary school....well, can't complaint much....still taste good. i'm just going about digging whatever that's edible and stuffing it into my mouth.....i'm such a garbage bin.
hmm....think maybe i should stop bitching about work and bitch about something else. this is the second day that i feel so deprived without any music other than the sound of my car's engine while driving to work.....and back home... :-( think i'll try to replace it with the MD player that i got ages ago...hopefully it's still functioning and is compatible with the changer that's already installed. *cringe* how it just gets on my nerves that people could own a car but don't take care of it!! they should be punished!!
think it's about time for me to pack up and get my arse off my workstation and head on home....but before that...ehehe....distraction....going to drown myself with a round of "Need for Speed Underground 2"
ok...my battle with the computer is done...time to scoot off now......ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Monday, October 17, 2005
question...?
gosh! it has been a while and almost forgotten that i've got a blog sitting on this site. looked for it this morning and found out that the one and only post i had was in february!! well, i guess the blogging bug has bitten me again....and hopefully it'll stay. never much of a person who writes down or typing out his thoughts.
seems like everybody would have some kind of blog somewhere in the cyberworld. i've wondered and still wondering, what's with the craze of blogging? what happened to the "dear diary" thing? is this supposed to be some kind of "IN" thing nowadays? i might be wrong, but aren't these thoughts of mind supposed to be personal or even private? either i don't get it or i'm just totally "outdated"...*sigh*
guess the blogging bug bitten me again after reading the day-by-day event of one friend who just passed away (rest in peace bro). another thing would be just thought it might be an avenue to vent out what's all crammed in my already cluttered mind. :-) oh yeah....whoever that's reading this....brace yourself for huge amounts of profanity and curses but i'll try my best not to. :-)
hmm....how am i suppose to even start this.....????? la la la la la la la la la la la...sing a smurfy song....la la la la la la la la la la la....sing it all day long.... *lost*
oh well, think this will be it at the moment. probably get back to this again later.......
ok...back again...but then not that i've got like writing juice overflowing...*sigh* more mental block....uuurrrggghhhh!! AARRRGGGHHH!! i need PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! *sigh* where do i even start cursing here.............
well, managed to do some side line thinking while busy running around and toiling away on the computer....man....work is so dependent on the e-mail and cyberworld....wonder how are things going to work IF one day there's a total crash on the internet...hmmm....back to the dark ages? just has some network and server problem...guess there are some virus running around again.
oh yeah...back to what i was initially rambling about, why blog and not diary.....?? anybody got an answer to this?
Saturday
lets see....this might be backdated, but what the heck...weekend.....wish it could have been longer. had a great time hanging out with some new friends and long lost friend playing tennis....man...it has been AGES since i actually swung my tennis racquet. weather wasn't really on our side...guess the skies took pity on us and gave a window of about half an hour to swing around a bit and whack some balls. it was then that the sky decided that we had enough and off we go. went back to Munster's place and had some nice warm soup...mmm....yummy..... :-) (thanks for the wonderful wholesome soup)
after that went went back to office to meet up with the dogster. chilled out while Munster got amazed with the "magic" of video editing. hehehe....never thought that it all happens like that huh Munster? it's not that don't believe what you see on tv...but more like don't think that all that you watch on tv is done on a BIG FAT budget with super high-tech machines. :-)
anyway, dinner wasn't too satisfying. sent munchy back and home sweet home i went. got home and finally had me shower....ooo....nicey nice.....weather was all so nice and comfy too.....gawd! how i wished for a nice warm cuddle. laid down in bed and decided that i was a little restless, so decided to join dogster and some other friends for "glow-in-the-dark" bowling. sure had a mental block after being in there for 10 mins.....reminds me of those la la ah beng techno clubs.... played 2 miserable games and i think i really suck in bowling.
left midvalley and headed back to subang for mamak. nothing much but just chit chat with the whole bunch of people i went bowling with. Dogster sure had an appetite....imagine, gobbling down 2 roti bom at 1 something in the morning!!
got home and still felt restless, though tired. somehow i needed to sleep....to off to dreamland.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sunday
aaaahhhh.....sunday...bloody sunday.....woken up by an sms from my boss....GAWD! why the hell can i not be left alone for the weekend??!!!! aarrrggghh!! thought i could ignore her sms, but hell no.....she just had to send the same sms twice...2 pages long!! somehow, just had to reply it to stop her from sending the same messages again and again. that's when the mind became active and that was it....had to get out of bed. how i wish there was some kind of switch that i can just turn my brains off and go back to sleep.
well, crawled out of bed and did the usual morning routine. made a cuppa coffee while washing up. after the first sip of coffee, body's all awake. time to get the house cleaned........hmm....should i mop the floor...should i clean the kitchen...should i rearrange the hall.......oh well, ended up doign all of the above. damn tiring but sure feels good with the new living room arrangement. couldn't do my usual sunday routine thing of heading to bangsar for banana leaf and catch up with reading at SFC then heading to the pasar malam for some grocery shopping. *sigh* oh well, still managed to do soem grocery shopping in carrefour. man...sure hate those checkout counters....they take AGES to get through those payments....and somehow just have to cause a long queue ALL the time. isn't there something more efficient and systematic for this? oh yeah...not forgetting those dumb obnoxious dumb ass who can't read the BIG sign that says "less than 10 items". how inconsiderate could people be????
grocery shopping all doneand went home happy with what i bought. got home, unpacked and took me shower. aaaa.....nice and comfy....only thing missing is a nice relaxing massage and a good warm cuddle. *sigh* i can just dream dream dream.......... anyway, ended up entertaining myself with "Final Fantasy VII". thought i was just going to watch it for half an hour, but somehow ended up watching the whole DVD. by the time i finished, was already 1 something. GAWD! biological clock has really gone haywire...can't seem to sleep early nowadays. I NEED HELP!!
Monday
monday morning...monday blues.....hmm...just as i thought i could have a good week, my car player just died on me!! DAMMIT! spent half an hour sitting in the car outside the house trying to get it switched on. i feel so lost...deprived....shocked....whatever the word to describe it....i realised how dependent am i to audio....it's just so part of my life.....AARRGGHHH!! i need music!!!
not thing things changed for the better as i got into the office. everything just went downhill. just wasn't in the mood at all to talk to anyone...other than with regards to work that i HAVE to. got this and that settled and somehow the sms that woke me up on sunday morning just came to REALITY! had to come out with an execution plan for the sales person to sell to client, all thanks to my boss's bright idea! just as i thought i could end the day peacefully, boss just had to call me in for a discussion and expect magic to happen for this sudden last minute project. maybe i should change the title on my name card as "magician".
the frustration doesn't end there...what's worst, she confirmed on something with another media partner and then just dumped the whole pile of nonsense on me to solve without prior knowledge of what's going on. well, maybe i know a little here and there, but still, that's like being thrown into a tidal wave. what the hell!! and she's got the nerves to say "this is your project" when in the first place, all discussions that she had with this partner didn't include me! dammit!
got so damn frustrated, that i went over to the creative department to check on possibilities on executing the plan for halloween which was part of the sms that woke me up on sunday. not too good answers that i got from them.....but heck....can't force them to do something which they can't promise nor guarantee. finished discussion with them and headed up to the gym to work out my anger and frustration....and now back at my workstation. don't think that session of workout really helped in calming nor clearing me mind.
oh well, think i might as well get out of the office and try to chill.........*ssssiiiiiiggggghhhh*. time to got home and cook me some warm dinner....or maybe this meal could be supper.......oh whatever....
seems like everybody would have some kind of blog somewhere in the cyberworld. i've wondered and still wondering, what's with the craze of blogging? what happened to the "dear diary" thing? is this supposed to be some kind of "IN" thing nowadays? i might be wrong, but aren't these thoughts of mind supposed to be personal or even private? either i don't get it or i'm just totally "outdated"...*sigh*
guess the blogging bug bitten me again after reading the day-by-day event of one friend who just passed away (rest in peace bro). another thing would be just thought it might be an avenue to vent out what's all crammed in my already cluttered mind. :-) oh yeah....whoever that's reading this....brace yourself for huge amounts of profanity and curses but i'll try my best not to. :-)
hmm....how am i suppose to even start this.....????? la la la la la la la la la la la...sing a smurfy song....la la la la la la la la la la la....sing it all day long.... *lost*
oh well, think this will be it at the moment. probably get back to this again later.......
ok...back again...but then not that i've got like writing juice overflowing...*sigh* more mental block....uuurrrggghhhh!! AARRRGGGHHH!! i need PROFESSIONAL HELP!!! *sigh* where do i even start cursing here.............
well, managed to do some side line thinking while busy running around and toiling away on the computer....man....work is so dependent on the e-mail and cyberworld....wonder how are things going to work IF one day there's a total crash on the internet...hmmm....back to the dark ages? just has some network and server problem...guess there are some virus running around again.
oh yeah...back to what i was initially rambling about, why blog and not diary.....?? anybody got an answer to this?
Saturday
lets see....this might be backdated, but what the heck...weekend.....wish it could have been longer. had a great time hanging out with some new friends and long lost friend playing tennis....man...it has been AGES since i actually swung my tennis racquet. weather wasn't really on our side...guess the skies took pity on us and gave a window of about half an hour to swing around a bit and whack some balls. it was then that the sky decided that we had enough and off we go. went back to Munster's place and had some nice warm soup...mmm....yummy..... :-) (thanks for the wonderful wholesome soup)
after that went went back to office to meet up with the dogster. chilled out while Munster got amazed with the "magic" of video editing. hehehe....never thought that it all happens like that huh Munster? it's not that don't believe what you see on tv...but more like don't think that all that you watch on tv is done on a BIG FAT budget with super high-tech machines. :-)
anyway, dinner wasn't too satisfying. sent munchy back and home sweet home i went. got home and finally had me shower....ooo....nicey nice.....weather was all so nice and comfy too.....gawd! how i wished for a nice warm cuddle. laid down in bed and decided that i was a little restless, so decided to join dogster and some other friends for "glow-in-the-dark" bowling. sure had a mental block after being in there for 10 mins.....reminds me of those la la ah beng techno clubs.... played 2 miserable games and i think i really suck in bowling.
left midvalley and headed back to subang for mamak. nothing much but just chit chat with the whole bunch of people i went bowling with. Dogster sure had an appetite....imagine, gobbling down 2 roti bom at 1 something in the morning!!
got home and still felt restless, though tired. somehow i needed to sleep....to off to dreamland.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sunday
aaaahhhh.....sunday...bloody sunday.....woken up by an sms from my boss....GAWD! why the hell can i not be left alone for the weekend??!!!! aarrrggghh!! thought i could ignore her sms, but hell no.....she just had to send the same sms twice...2 pages long!! somehow, just had to reply it to stop her from sending the same messages again and again. that's when the mind became active and that was it....had to get out of bed. how i wish there was some kind of switch that i can just turn my brains off and go back to sleep.
well, crawled out of bed and did the usual morning routine. made a cuppa coffee while washing up. after the first sip of coffee, body's all awake. time to get the house cleaned........hmm....should i mop the floor...should i clean the kitchen...should i rearrange the hall.......oh well, ended up doign all of the above. damn tiring but sure feels good with the new living room arrangement. couldn't do my usual sunday routine thing of heading to bangsar for banana leaf and catch up with reading at SFC then heading to the pasar malam for some grocery shopping. *sigh* oh well, still managed to do soem grocery shopping in carrefour. man...sure hate those checkout counters....they take AGES to get through those payments....and somehow just have to cause a long queue ALL the time. isn't there something more efficient and systematic for this? oh yeah...not forgetting those dumb obnoxious dumb ass who can't read the BIG sign that says "less than 10 items". how inconsiderate could people be????
grocery shopping all doneand went home happy with what i bought. got home, unpacked and took me shower. aaaa.....nice and comfy....only thing missing is a nice relaxing massage and a good warm cuddle. *sigh* i can just dream dream dream.......... anyway, ended up entertaining myself with "Final Fantasy VII". thought i was just going to watch it for half an hour, but somehow ended up watching the whole DVD. by the time i finished, was already 1 something. GAWD! biological clock has really gone haywire...can't seem to sleep early nowadays. I NEED HELP!!
Monday
monday morning...monday blues.....hmm...just as i thought i could have a good week, my car player just died on me!! DAMMIT! spent half an hour sitting in the car outside the house trying to get it switched on. i feel so lost...deprived....shocked....whatever the word to describe it....i realised how dependent am i to audio....it's just so part of my life.....AARRGGHHH!! i need music!!!
not thing things changed for the better as i got into the office. everything just went downhill. just wasn't in the mood at all to talk to anyone...other than with regards to work that i HAVE to. got this and that settled and somehow the sms that woke me up on sunday morning just came to REALITY! had to come out with an execution plan for the sales person to sell to client, all thanks to my boss's bright idea! just as i thought i could end the day peacefully, boss just had to call me in for a discussion and expect magic to happen for this sudden last minute project. maybe i should change the title on my name card as "magician".
the frustration doesn't end there...what's worst, she confirmed on something with another media partner and then just dumped the whole pile of nonsense on me to solve without prior knowledge of what's going on. well, maybe i know a little here and there, but still, that's like being thrown into a tidal wave. what the hell!! and she's got the nerves to say "this is your project" when in the first place, all discussions that she had with this partner didn't include me! dammit!
got so damn frustrated, that i went over to the creative department to check on possibilities on executing the plan for halloween which was part of the sms that woke me up on sunday. not too good answers that i got from them.....but heck....can't force them to do something which they can't promise nor guarantee. finished discussion with them and headed up to the gym to work out my anger and frustration....and now back at my workstation. don't think that session of workout really helped in calming nor clearing me mind.
oh well, think i might as well get out of the office and try to chill.........*ssssiiiiiiggggghhhh*. time to got home and cook me some warm dinner....or maybe this meal could be supper.......oh whatever....