i'm SORRY that your mind and heart don't have me as someone that matters other than just a "stand-in" companion...all i can do is just hope that would change... :-( everyday's a battle with myself to put on a brave face and act like nothing happened..while it eats me up from the inside... :'( and it seems all fine and dandy for you...maybe coz in your mind, your expectations were just flirting around while enjoying the company. *sigh* why do i always end up in this kind of tragic situation??? how can i ever learn to not be so guillable...think all these years of being single has just taken its toll...

Quote: "Iridescent" of LP
When you were standing in
The wake of devastation
You were waiting on
The edge of the unknown
With the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying "save me now"
You were there and possibly alone

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up all the failures
All you've known
Remember all
The sadness and frustration
And let it go
Let it go

And in the burst of light
That blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown
The heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of temper grace
Falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up all the failures
All you've known
Remember all
The sadness and frustration
And let it go
Let it go


i should just let go..gone with the wind...but heck...easier said than done. :-( everyday's a battle with my inner self to pick up the smithereens that was blown into. another scar added to the heart...how many more can i endure?


Question: why is it that i keep getting played out time and again? i've lost the meaning of enjoying life...one abuse after another...when is it going to EVER end? getting more and more fragile every day...is there even a chance of sucking it up and understand the meaning of human relationship ever again? is my mere existance in this world just for the sake of making others happy but not myself? who's going to make me happy? why can't life just be simple?

once in a blue moooooon.....

it's been quite some time since i actually checked or even logged into this non-existent blog. shucks...it's been more than 3 years since my last update?!? wonder how do people blog so often..if not everyday...maybe every week or something and diligently keep at it...

got to get on to this if i'm going to write some grandmother story rather than just limited posts on facebook and twitter...

lets see where do i start.....

Happy Birthday to ME?

aaa...wasn't too much of an eventful day. whole day camping in SEGi college for contestants elimination to from Top 40 to Top 20 (i think). work work work....shouldn't be a problem.....since i'm a workaholic!
DISCLAIMER: kids, don't try this!

by lunch time, everything was moving along ok..wouldn't say super smooth...but a ok. then with a little down time to have lunch, as i was having a smoke, then it hit me..."hey! it's my birthday!" yeah right...not that it's a big deal to me...just another day...well, not that anybody that matters remembered anyway....oh well, back to work i went.

by the end of the day, which was already 7 something, there goes my plan of thinking about treating myself to a nice meal...with or without company. *sigh* still needed to head back to the office to settle with some paperwork. some "roadblocks" appeared throughout the day...with regards to work...but i shall not let that bother me...what can i say...it's just a "team" of 2 person.

ended up having some crappy food....yes yes...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...as i turn another year older...wiser? i don't know....hopefully...

back in action!

Started my “first” day back in 8TV again, this time as a contract staff to coordinate the contestants. Legally, I can just not turn up for work as the contract wasn’t even ready and neither have I signed anything on paper…but heck…things never change… What if anything were to happen to me….Dammit! Can’t even file a lawsuit. Oh well, I’m a person who believes in promise…a promise made MUST be delivered. Anyway, just to pacify myself, I’ll just get up to date with what’s happening with my “team” with what’s been happening since she started earlier than me. Sure looks like helluva lot of things to do.

Recording was to be done in SEGi college for the elimination of top 100 to top 40 to top 20. sure was gonna be on helluva time handling all these 100 pax. Oh well, it’s work

to do or not to do?

Lobbied the idea with K about returning to 8TV and helping out with OIAM season 2 as a contestant coordinator. Well, figured that since there isn’t much going on and I still miss 8TV so much. decided to take up the offer. How difficult would it be, since I would be working with people whom I’m familiar with as well as a “team” who used to be my subordinate

huh? work?

It’s Monday! Woke up like 0730 this morning and took me a moment while lying in bed to realise that I’m not working today…coz I RESIGNED! Damn…need some time to get used to this….

Last day....

Last day in the office. Have handed in my resignation letter about a month ago as well as extended my service in Media Prima.

Plan for the day: pack and handover ASAP and leave office by 1800. Walk to guardhouse and scream out at the top of my lungs, “FREEDOM!”

Mission status: FAILED! Well, that was ideally what I hoped to have done but somehow, realistically, I was in the office as usual till way past midnight…after everyone has left. Took some pictures of the office as well as my cubicle. Many memories flashed by….from the first day of reporting to 8TV’s office (which at that time was just a small little meeting room with nothing more than 2 desktops, 4 tables and chairs, a meeting table and whiteboard) to what it is today. 3 years, 10 months and 20 days of breathe, eat, shit, dream of 8TV…..