Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Gen-Y

Generation Y: They've arrived at work with a new attitude
By Stephanie Armour, USA TODAY

They're young, smart, brash. They may wear flip-flops to the office or listen to iPods at their desk. They want to work, but they don't want work to be their life.
This is Generation Y, a force of as many as 70 million, and the first wave is just now embarking on their careers - taking their place in an increasingly multigenerational workplace.
Get ready, because this generation - whose members have not yet hit 30 - is different from any that have come before, according to researchers and authors such as Bruce Tulgan, a founder of New Haven, Conn.-based RainmakerThinking, which studies the lives of young people.
This age group is moving into the labor force during a time of major demographic change, as companies around the USA face an aging workforce. Sixty-year-olds are working beside 20-year-olds. Freshly minted college graduates are overseeing employees old enough to be their parents. And new job entrants are changing careers faster than college students change their majors, creating frustration for employers struggling to retain and recruittalented high-performers.
Unlike the generations that have gone before them, Gen Y has been pampered, nurtured and programmed with a slew of activities since they were toddlers, meaning they are both high-performance and high-maintenance, Tulgan says. They also believe in their own worth.
"Generation Y is much less likely to respond to the traditional command-and-control type of management still popular in much of today's workforce," says Jordan Kaplan, an associate managerial science professor at Long Island University-Brooklyn in New York. "They've grown up questioning their parents, and now they're questioning their employers. They don't know how to shut up, which is great, but that's aggravating to the 50-year-old manager who says, 'Do it and do it now.' "
That speak-your-mind philosophy makes sense to Katie Patterson, an assistant account executive at Edelman Public Relations in Atlanta. The 23-year-old, who hails from Iowa and now lives with two roommates in a town house, likes to collaborate with others, and says many of her friends want to run their own businesses so they can be independent.
"We are willing and not afraid to challenge the status quo," she says. "An environment where creativity and independent thinking are looked upon as a positive is appealing to people my age. We're very independent and tech savvy."
A great deal is known about Gen Y:
They have financial smarts. After witnessing the financial insecurity that beset earlier generations stung by layoffs and the dot-com bust, today's newest entrants into the workforce are generally savvy when it comes to money and savings. They care about such benefits as 401(k) retirement plans.
Thirty-seven percent of Gen Yers expect to start saving for retirement before they reach 25, with 46% of those already working indicating so, according to a September survey by Purchase, N.Y.-based Diversified Investment Advisors. And 49% say retirement benefits are a very important factor in their job choices. Among those eligible, 70% of the Gen Y respondents contribute to their 401(k) plan.
Patterson, who works at Edelman, has already met with a financial planner, and her co-worker, Jennifer Hudson, 23, is also saving for the future.
"I knew what a Roth IRA was at 17. I learned about it in economics class," says Hudson, an assistant account executive in Atlanta and a University of Alabama graduate. "My generation is much more realistic. We were in college when we saw the whole dot-com bust."
Work-life balance isn't just a buzz word. Unlike boomers who tend to put a high priority on career, today's youngest workers are more interested in making their jobs accommodate their family and personal lives. They want jobs with flexibility, telecommuting options and the ability to go part time or leave the workforce temporarily when children are in the picture.
"There's a higher value on self fulfillment," says Diana San Diego, 24, who lives with her parents in San Francisco and works on college campuses helping prepare students for the working world through the Parachute College Program. "After 9/11, there is a realization that life is short. You value it more."
Change, change, change. Generation Yers don't expect to stay in a job, or even a career, for too long - they've seen the scandals that imploded Enron and Arthur Andersen, and they're skeptical when it comes to such concepts as employee loyalty, Tulgan says.
They don't like to stay too long on any one assignment. This is a generation of multitaskers, and they can juggle e-mail on their BlackBerrys while talking on cellphones while trolling online.
And they believe in their own self worth and value enough that they're not shy about trying to change the companies they work for. That compares somewhat with Gen X, a generation born from the mid-1960s to the late-1970s, known for its independent thinking, addiction to change and emphasis on family.
"They're like Generation X on steroids," Tulgan says. "They walk in with high expectations for themselves, their employer, their boss. If you thought you saw a clash when Generation X came into the workplace, that was the fake punch. The haymaker is coming now."
Tulgan, who co-authored Managing Generation Y with Carolyn Martin and leads training sessions at companies on how to prepare for and retain Generation Yers, says a recent example is a young woman who just started a job at a cereal company. She showed up the first day with a recipe for a new cereal she'd invented.
Conflicts over casual dress In the workplace, conflict and resentment can arise over a host of issues, even seemingly innocuous subjects such as appearance, as a generation used to casual fare such as flip-flops, tattoos and capri pants finds more traditional attire is required at the office.
Angie Ping, 23, of Alvin, Texas, lives in flip-flops but isn't allowed to wear them to the office. "Some companies' policies relating to appropriate office attire seem completely outdated to me," says Ping, at International Facility Management Association. "The new trend for work attire this season is menswear-inspired capri pants, which look as dressy as pants when paired with heels, but capri pants are not allowed at my organization."
And then there's Gen Y's total comfort with technology. While boomers may expect a phone call or in-person meeting on important topics, younger workers may prefer virtual problem solving, Tulgan says.
Conflict can also flare up over management style. Unlike previous generations who've in large part grown accustomed to the annual review, Gen Yers have grown up getting constant feedback and recognition from teachers, parents and coaches and can resent it or feel lost if communication from bosses isn't more regular.
"The millennium generation has been brought up in the most child-centered generation ever. They've been programmed and nurtured," says Cathy O'Neill, senior vice president at career management company Lee Hecht Harrison in Woodcliff Lake, N.J. "Their expectations are different. The millennial expects to be told how they're doing."
Matt Berkley, 24, a writer at St. Louis Small Business Monthly, says many of his generation have traveled and had many enriching experiences, so they may clash with older generations they see as competition or not as skilled. "We're surprised we have to work for our money. We want the corner office right away," he says. "It seems like our parents just groomed us. Anything is possible. We had karate class, soccer practice, everything. But they deprived us of social skills. They don't treat older employees as well as they should."
Employers are examining new ways to recruit and retain and trying to sell younger workers on their workplace flexibility and other qualities generally attractive to Gen Y.
At Abbott Laboratories in Chicago, recruiters are reaching out to college students by telling them about company benefits such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, full tuition reimbursement and an online mentoring tool.
Perks and recruitment Aflac, an insurer based in Columbus, Ga., is highlighting such perks as time off given as awards, flexible work schedules and recognition.
Xerox is stepping up recruitment of students at "core colleges," which is how the company refers to universities that have the kind of talent Xerox needs. For example, the Rochester Institute of Technology is a core school for Xerox recruiting because it has a strong engineering and printing sciences programs. Others include Massachusetts Institute of Technology, the University of Illinois and Cornell University.
Xerox is using the slogan "Express Yourself" as a way to describe its culture to recruits. The hope is that the slogan will appeal to Gen Y's desire to develop solutions and change. Recruiters also point out the importance of diversity at the company; Gen Y is one of the most diverse demographic groups - one out of three is a minority.
"(Gen Y) is very important," says Joe Hammill, director of talent acquisition. "Xerox and other Fortune-type companies view this emerging workforce as the future of our organization."
But some conflict is inevitable. More than 60% of employers say they are experiencing tension between employees from different generations, according to a survey by Lee Hecht Harrison.
The survey found more than 70% of older employees are dismissive of younger workers' abilities. And nearly half of employers say that younger employees are dismissive of the abilities of their older co-workers.
As an executive assistant, Jennifer Lewis approves expenses and keeps track of days off for employees, which she says can be awkward because she's so much younger than her co-workers. She reports to the president of her company's design department.
"People who have been here 10 years, and they have to report to a 22-year-old," Lewis says. She also says in an e-mail that "I often have to lie about my age to receive a certain level of respect that I want from my co-workers."
Lewis, a senior at Hunter College in New York, tries not to tell people she is a student for fear it will make her seem like "the young schoolgirl." She pays rent and pays for her own school and spends her free time taking cooking and pottery classes.
But there are advantages to being young as well. "I am computer savvy," she says, "so people come to me for everything."

Monday, November 14, 2005

sunday bloody sunday

Was woken up by a phone call and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Rolled in bed for another half an hour trying hard to sleep but to no avail. Rolled myself out of bed, washed up and started work on my kitchen DIY thing. This time would be to put up the shelf and cabinet.

Managed to put up the shelf without much problems but the cabinet….gosh! IKEA doesn’t provide everything complete with their fittings. I was short of screws and plugs to secure the cabinet on the wall. *sigh* looks like I’ve got to postpone putting up the cabinet till I get the plugs and heavy duty screws.

new shelf in the kitchen


Proceeded to clean my room and mop the floor around the house. Goodness! Come to think of it, it has been at least 2 weeks that I haven’t mopped the floor. Had to change the water for every room that I was mopping. By the end of each area, the water was as black as some Chinese art water colour! Uurrgghh!! No wonder my feet was complaining every time I walked around the house.

Halfway through mopping, parents dropped by and dad started working on the “Christmas” tree outside. Had to chop down the sides as it was blocking car driver’s view and taking up too much space.

Discussed with dad about further renovation in the house. Looks like I’m going to be my own contractor for a while. This is what happens when you haven’t got the dough for it and have to do it all by yourself.


Finished cleaning and got changed for tennis with munster. Got there slightly after 6. stroked for about an hour and left as munster had some dinner plans and I was supposed to be the “daddy” to take serene out…oops…I mean DRAG her out to get groceries. yes yes…suddenly I’m such a fatherly figure.

Went over to the curve first to have dinner. Just as we thought we could enjoy a nice dinner, we started meeting people….gosh! why did everybody decided to go to the curve on a Sunday night? Anyway, finished dinner and went about with grocery shopping in tesco. Somehow I couldn’t find the REAL feel or mood to shop in tesco. Seems rather incomplete with the things that they have there…or maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks.

Anyway, met up with Dogster and cavin for tea at friendster café in damansara perdana. Started off with serious business talk and gradually toned down to pure silliness. The whole night was filled with endless silliness and laughter. It has been a while since I last had this kind of experience.

serious business talk going on

how G would look like with long hair

messing around with cavin

Was there till 1 something and really had to leave as it’s a working day later.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

yay yay! saturday!



aaaa....the lack of sleep and fatigue luckily didn't affect the Project Superstar meet-the-fans session in Sg. Wang. was initially worried that there wasn't going to be any crowd and it was already 2.30pm when the event was suppose to commence at 3pm. but at 2.45pm, the crowd slowly build up and got bigger. there were people in colour coded t-shirts....fans of the Superstars! gosh! these singaporeans........

in the midst of autograph signing session

gosh! Sg. Wang really got some "celebrity" looking security people. there was one that looked like Nicholas Tse! no joke! there were even people wanting to snap pictures with them. gosh! tarak market la me! aijojo.....

treated myself to hot fudge sundae at swensen's with evonn and YL. mmm..yummy....been a while since i last had ice cream in an ice cream parlour. ;-p after that, went to do some shopping and got some DVDs and a new knapsack. yes yes....splurge.....shopping therapy...oh well...haven't shopped for a long long time and the knapsack was something i really needed with the current favourite one about to give way. digging through a mountain of bags isn't something simple and took a whole lot of time. finally foudn the one i want and paid for it.

was already late for dinner appointment. quickly rushed home, didn't even managed to shower. quickly picked up the rest (cavin, douglas and yumi) and headed off to Meru, Klang for seafood! yummy!! fabulous steam fish!! 7 of us having 7 dishes.....

part of the 7 dishes we had... ;-p

after dinner, headed to Summit for snooker. totally sucked at it!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

*cringe*


thank god that the press conference ended without much hiccups. just the part where i slipped and played the wrong track during the video playback. guess fatigue and exhaustion got to me that caused the slip up. other than that....thankfully there wasn't any complaints. tomorrow's another day of dealing with the singaporeans..."superstars".

press conference backdrop

got back to the office around 3 something after packing up all the technical stuff and sending it back to the engineering department. everyone in the office thought i was just rundown by some truck or something...shites! i look like a zombie! anyway, was supposed to sit in for a meeting with my boss and a choreographer. nicely my boss forgotten to inform me that it was cancelled already coz we had the meeting on wednesday. damn! wasted 3 hours in the office for nothing.

anyway, left the office with the thoughts of attending a prom in kl. by the time i got home, traffic looked horrendous. had many thoughts on whether should i go or not....finally decided not to. yes yes...just as i thought i could feel a lil "younger" by being in a young surrounding...and yes...dear ol' serene just had to burst my bubble. oh well, good also...stay home and get some rest.....NOT!

got a call from BL asking whether i would like to go watch "the exorcism of emily rose" coz there was an extra ticket. oh well, why not....probably something to relax my mind...even though it was supposed to be some thriller / horror movie. somehow found it more like a courtcase movie rather than something that would keep me at the edge of my seat...but then again, haven't found any movie that would. nearly fell asleep too! hahahaah! wonder why would people say that it was darn scary or terrifying. anyway, the movie was alright for me i guess. really emphasised on the point that supernaturals do exist but not to totally believe it as there are scientific explanations to it. well, it's a battle between facts and myths.

Father Moore: Once you see the darkness, I think you hold onto it the rest of your life.

after movie ended, headed home straight to try and get some rest before tomorrow's work. hopefully things would be running as smooth as the press conferences without much hiccups..... *fingers cross*

Friday, November 11, 2005

DAMN SINGAPOREANS!!!

UURRRGGGHHH!! DAMN SINGAPOREANS! have always tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and not label them as kiasu or anything negative....but somehow my fears and frustration with them has just been confirmed AGAIN today!

today is just not my day!! had to do a technical setup in J.W Marriott for a press conference with some singaporean celebrities. of all things, we can only commence setup at 8pm onwards. oh well, not that it's something within our control. when we were loading up the van with all the technical stuff, then only did we realise that everything couldn't fit into the van and my car, so we had to come back again for another pickup. oh well, no biggie.

done with that and we were on our way. left the office around 8.30pm. traffic wasn't too good either. got to the hotel and started setting up. then my colleague left with the technicians for the second round pick-up and i was all by myself to continue with the plasma setup. well, everything went on smoothly. then came a bunch of people, 5 to be exact. luckily my colleague informed that these singaporeans would be dropping by to have a look at the function area. i've got no problem with that, but what got me worked a bit was them coming in and asking for this and that, to add chairs, change arrangements, etc. thank god they didn't bark those orders to me, else i would have given them a piece of my mind.

i went about doing my stuff and waited for my colleague and the technicians to come back from their pick-up. as i was fiddling with some of the equipments, couldn't help but heard them talking out loud bout some IT and gadget stuff. thought to myself, "hmm...these people sounding like very pro with all these laptop stuff and gadgets like the iPod and all". oh whatever! coming from the land of kiasu, they should know better, I GUESS.

anyway, by the time my colleague and technicians arrived, the whole bunch of singaporeans had left as they couldn't wait and needed their beauty sleep. got the minus-one CD that would be used for the PC from my colleague and immediately i got into action to check on it. here's the chronology of it:

1. insert minue-one CD into DVD player
2. display on DVD player: mp3 but no track number
3. pressed "PLAY" but nothing happens
4. thinking that maybe that player couldn't read the CD, changed it to another DVD player
5. display on plasma screen: "No audio data"
6. repeated whole process and the same results.

there i was screaming with a loud sigh, "god dammit! what's the problem with these singaporeans??!!" explained to my colleague about the problem and told her to get them to send it over via e-mail, but then looking at the time, nobody's in the office at this time. so she called this singaporean guy who "knows" about audio and told him about it. his argument was he could play the CD just fine. then i had to take over the phone and inquire what format is the audio track known as, for eg. .wav or .mp3 or .cda. of all things, he went to click on "properties" via his windows media player and told me that it's a CD Audio file. gosh! is this fella blur or what? had to even guide him step-by-step on how to get info of what the track file is. when he finally got it, the answer was "it's a .cdfs file". WHAT???? what the hell is that? haven't come across extensions like that. unless it's some professional audio format.

took a deep breath and calmed myself down. "ok VoRTeX, remain calm and think of a solution". in that short moment, he said that he has professional audio editing software on his laptop. ah ha! solution! told him to convert the file to .wav to standby and burn it on a CDR before the PC, while i get back to the office and try to figure out how can i convert the files on the CD.

here i am in the office again at 1am trying to extract the minus-one CD that would be used for the press conference later this morning. as i insert the CD into the CD-ROM drive, it doesn't even autoplay like other CDs. ok...no matter...maybe it's data. explored the CD and this is what i see:

gosh! i really don't know whether to laugh or get furious at this fella. talking like one helluva pro with computers. doesn't even know how to burn an audio track! it's obvious that whoever burned the CD doesn't know that audio files cannot be dragged and drop and burnt to the CDR directly. *sigh* waasted my time rushing back from kl trying to get this worked out and this is what i get from the CD. GGGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! UUUUUUURRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHH!!

okok...calm down VoRTeX...."goosefraba"....deep breaths..... 2 things i can think of now:

1. singaporeans are not as smart as they TRY to potray to be

2. i NEED a laptop!! i wouldn't have to rush back to the office just to check what's the status of this CD, and even if it was some weird audio format, i could have done it on the spot. dammit! why the hell doesn't the company EVER listen to my grievances??? been asking for a laptop for more than a year, yet nothing even materialise...not even a cable for it.

ok...think it's REALLY time for me to get out of the office and head on home, on the way maybe get some food or just have some cup noodles when i get home. haven't ate anything since 1pm. don't even know whether to sleep or have a heavy meal and just stay awake watching "Philadelphia" till 6am and get ready for the PC......decisions decisions...... all these frustration ain't helping with my sleep or hunger..............................................................................................

Thursday, November 10, 2005

toys toys toys

yay yay yay! feel like a kiddie today. douglas brought some of his toys collection for another colleague's assignment. nicely meddling with it....suddenly felt like i shrunk to the size of a 10 year old kiddo....ehehe....oh well, never had much toys to play with when i was a puny lil kiddo. but hey, these toys are collectibles....wish i could post the pictures of it here but unfortunately too late in getting me camera phone. it's now back with douglas over at the other end of the building. too much hassle.....

then there were more collectibles that came in....yes yes...to you harry potter fans, there were 2 exclusive pieces of merchandise from that movie. first is the triwizard trophy and then the limited edition goblet of fire, which only 5000 units are produced worldwide and the one and only one in malaysia is with us. :-)

TRIWIZARD TROPHY


GOBLET of FIRE

LIMITED EDITION: 0907 / 5000

cavin trying to flick the triwizard trophy

cavin thinking he just won the oscar or some model wannabe posing for a magazine

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

all gone

don't know what got to me, but heck..decided to shave off the goatee on me chin. was a suggestion by wai jhee. so thought about it when i was taking a shower and decided to have a go with it. feels really strange without the lil crop of hair....


now that's one hell of an ugly picture...but heck...that's how my chin looks like without the lil crop of hair....it'll grow in time.....


The Fast and The Furious
Dom: Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's winning.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

delay delay delay....

*sigh* looks like my kitchen DIY project is going to take quite a few month to be completed........lights, more cabinets, sink, tap, counter.........

now...what shall i have for dinner? think fatigue is overpowering the stomach.....maybe i'll just go home and hit the sack............

?????

officially back to work today. had a hard time getting out of bed. kept pressing on the snooze button whenever the alarm rang. thank god there wasn't any meetings scheduled.

just as i was enjoying my kitchen cabinet shopping, it had to be spoiled by my boss sending me an sms asking whether am i back coz she wants to discuss details about the press conference this friday. why can i not be left alone when i'm on leave???!! do i have to REALLY sort to switching off my phone? mood was just totally killed but went on shopping for my cabinet and shelf. gosh! thinking about my purchase again, think i splurged a bit too much for a cabinet and shelf....and not forgetting contradicting myself of not going to get anything from IKEA but just idea...looks like temptation overpowered me. oh well, what's been bought has been bought. so excited about it that i was feeling pretty gung ho in wanting to head back home straight and set it up immediately. got to put plans of some lighting aside...maybe next month...and this time i'm going to try and be strong with my stand of not having to resort to IKEA for the lights!! *fingers cross*

went back to office and what a waste of time it was. basically all those things that was supposed to be discussed have already been looked into and ironed out. *sigh* left the office around 7 something and went for dinner with cavin. best joke was we were really clueless about where should we go for dinner. made a few calls to try to get more company but ended up only 2 ma lat lous..."just the 2 of us". initially there was supposed to be plans of having dinner with serene, but then...yes yes...serene, if you're reading this, I AM SORRY. didn't mean to cancel plans. my intentions were just to inquire whether you'd be interested to join my colleagues for dinner. that's all. okok....I HAVE NO LIFE!!! :-(

finally watched "Remember The Titans" few days ago. quite an interesting angle of how racism affected kids in those days and what got them to accept each other as well as the community.


Coach Boone: We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and i will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work.

Coach Boone: This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today. This green field right here, painted red, bubblin' with the blood of young boys. Smoke and hot lead pouring right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men. I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family. You listen, and you take a lesson from the dead. If we don't come together right now on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed, just like they were. I don't care if you like each other of not, but you will respect each other. And maybe... I don't know, maybe we'll learn to play this game like men.

Coach Boone: I'm not gonna talk to you tonight about winnin' and losin'. You're already winners 'cause you didn't kill each other up at camp.

Coach Boone: You look like a bunch of fifth grade sissies after a cat fight! You got anger, that's good you're gonna need it, you got aggression that's even better you're gonna need that, too. But any little two year old child can throw a fit! Football is about controlling that anger, harnessing that aggression into a team effort to achieve perfection!

Friday, November 04, 2005

MIA

haven't been blogging for a few days. last post was nearly a week ago. hmm...thinking back, there are loads that happen...every day...every hour...every minute.....

watched "Corpse Bride" on wednesday with munster and darren. nothing much to rave about...reminds me of Gumby! but whatever it is, definitely way much more advance in the production of it. another movie by Tim Burton...which will always have Johnny Depp starring in it. i wonder why.....

finally finished off with repainting my kitchen. took quite a while coz of all the stuff which are currently in the kitchen and it's not an easy task trying to manouver around to get to those tight spots. oh yeah! smarty farty lizard decided to talk a stroll on the window frame and got stuck to the half dried paint. now i've got scrape that off the frame and repaint it again. *sigh* well, anyhow, i'm still glad that there's finally a warmer feeling in the kitchen...least it's not the cold cream coloured walls. it's all in chilli red now! hahahaha! talk about being extreme! oh well, just needed some colours in the house. next would be to change the lighting and install some cabinets. think i'll have to get the leak on the roof fixed first.


BEFORE


WORK IN PROGRESS

AFTER

ok ok...not totally done up yet.........

Monday, October 31, 2005

happy halloween!

happy halloween yo'all! well, how was it for you all? well, it's not a big thing here but heck, there are parties which are planned here and there. so what did you all do? i for one know that there wasn't any parties for me. here i am in the office typing my blog while finishing off some work.

nothing eventful or happening for me.....was so knackered the whole day that i took a nap before heading out for a night cross with the team. was there till 10 something and came back to the office. that's about it. *sigh*

mood rating: 1 out of 10!
guess the exhaustion has really gotten to me this time. everyone asked whether am i alright and hardly do they see me with a jacket on. just needed someone to talk to and be all mushy and manja with.....but lo and behold....NONE of that available.... :-( yes...under this machine, there's still a lil kid which is HUMAN inside. why oh why the hell am i feeling like this and there's no one that i can turn to....was even turned down trying to manja with someone..... :-( oh well, i guess now is the time for me to try to pacify myself again what i told Jas last night:

"THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE IN THIS WORLD IS TO HELP IN ANY WAY AND TO BE A GUARDIAN ANGEL TO ALL"

just a lil pacifying words that i normally try tell myself whenever i feel all lonely and unappreciated. on that note, i'm quite touched that even though it has been 2 weeks since my birthday, my kids actually did a covert mission of getting me to go for dinner with them before doing their cross at ProJET. as we sat down and ordered, there came a paperbag. in it were pressies for me!! gosh! that's like my fourth birthday present for this year! yay! now this is a RECORD!! dammit! just made me melt that i nearly shed tears but heck! maintain macho!! hahaahh! THANKS A LOT GUYS AND GALS FOR THE PRESENT AND CARD! YOU ALL REALLY MAKE ME FEEL APPRECIATED.

wonder what is everyone else up to? well, would be good if you all could fill me in...the old rusty machine here.....

thank god the machine here will be off work for the whole week...yes yes....some of you would be saying "yeah right!" i know i know.....office and me just seem inseparable....like as though we are married to each other....okok...maybe too extreme....a long loving couple....NOOO!!!!!!! this ain't good!! yes yes.....i know....i've got my kitchen DIY thing planned out last week....and i'm going to get to it while i'm off work. fingers cross that it'll be a quick and good job and keeping my fingers cross that i don't turn it into some really awful kitchen. *fingers cross*

birthday analysis?

Your date of conception was on or about 30 January 1978.
You were born on a Monday under the astrological sign Scorpio.

Your Life path number is 4.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443804.5.
The golden number for 1978 is 3.
The epact number for 1978 is 21.
The year 1978 was not a leap year.
As of 10/31/2005 10:06:43 AM CST
You are 27 years old.
You are 324 months old.
You are 1,410 weeks old.
You are 9,870 days old.
You are 236,890 hours old.
You are 14,213,406 minutes old.
You are 852,804,403 seconds old.
You are 3.86301369863014 dog years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for you!)
There are 357 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 28 candles

Those 28 candles produce 28 BTUs,or 7,056 calories of heat (that's only 7.0560 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.20 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1978 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1978 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1978 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)

Your birthstone is Tourmaline
The Mystical properties of Tourmaline
Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Jasper



Your birth tree is Maple, Independence of Mind
No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

There are 55 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning gibbous.

name analysis?

There are 16 letters in your name.Those 16 letters total to 78There are 8 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 6
The characteristics of #6 are: Responsibility, protection, nurturing, community, balance, sympathy.

The expression or destiny for #6:The number 6 Expression provides you a truly outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance. The 6 is helpful and ever conscientious, making you quite capable of rectifying and balancing any sort of inharmonious situation. You are a person very much inclined to give help and comfort to those in need. You have a natural penchant for working with the old, the young, the sick, or the underprivileged. Although you may have considerable creative and artistic talents, the chances are that you will devote yourself to an occupation that shows concern for the betterment of the community.
The positive side of the number 6 suggests that you are very loving, friendly, and appreciative of others. You have a depth of understanding that produces much sympathetic, kindness, and generosity. The qualities of the 6 make the finest and most concerned parent and one often deeply involved in domestic activities. Openness and honesty is apparent in your approach to all relationships.


If there is an excess of the number 6 in your makeup, you may exhibit some of the negative traits associated with this number. There may be a tendency for you to be too exacting and demanding of yourself. In this regard, you may at times sacrifice yourself (or your loved ones) for the welfare of others. In some cases, the over zealous 6 has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. You may have difficulty expressing your own individuality, because of involvement with responsibilities and causes. Like all with the Expression of the number 6, it's quite likely that you worry much too much.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6
A Soul Urge number of 6 means: With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.


The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.
If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.

Your Inner Dream number is: 11
An Inner Dream number of 11 means: You dream of casting the light of illumination; of being the true idealist. You secretly believe there is more to life than we can know or prove, and you would like to be provider of the 'word' from on high.

haaaiiiihhhh.....

rushed back to kl after the wedding dinner. definitely felt weird driving from malacca to kl in my formal wear.

anyway, had 3 passengers with me. 2 sitting in the back was fast asleep by the time i hit the highway. thank god my front passenger was awake. had a good time chatting and keeping myself awake by that.

it has been quite a while since i've had a good conversation which is a two way traffic...very interactive...interest about both what each other is up to.

well, thank you so very much Jas...for the chat and also yours of advise. appreciate it. sure miss having long chats with you. *hugz*

gloomy day...

rain rain rain....just as i always thought i love the rain...but somehow today that's just not the case. think maybe it's further caused by the lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion from the weekend of travelling and wedding organising.

it has been 3 days since my last post. looking back in that 3 days, there are like loads of stuff that happened. if i were going to put it all in this posting, i think it'll be like quite a few pages. forget about it. will just bore everyone.

anyway, was back in malacca for an old school friend's wedding (2 years my senior). hmm...kind of low profile thing i guess. typical chinese thingy but without much hoo haa of hotel arrangements and things like that. it has been a while since i attended a wedding held in a school hall. sure was a whole different experience.

rushed back on friday night or rather saturday EARLY morning to make it in time for the "heng tai" meeting for what to do and all. got to the groom's place for a so-called bachelor's night...which pretty much revolves around a smiple buffet spread and get together with friends from school whom some i've not met up for quite a while. caught up with most of them and the usual bantering and teasing of each other.

after all that was done, went to peppermint cafe to chill, or rather watch footie. not my cuppa. was quite restless and hoping that the game would end soon. when it eventually ended, headed to a cybercafe for a few round of network games. gosh! found out how rusty i was with these games. another thing which i've not done for a long long long time. then was told by one of them that this is pretty much the saturday night thing that they do nowadays...coz most of us aren't party animals who patronises the pubs and disco places. we all sound like some 20-something fellas who are in their early mid-life crisis!

wedding day! weather was like so damn hot and humid! all the "heng tais" were already drenched in sweat even before the pickup of bride happened. left around 11 to the bride's place in a convoy of cars. then came the usual chinese thing of heng tais negotiating with the ji muis to open the door for us to get the bride. thank god it wasn't something too extreme as compared to some which i've come across.

gawd! talk about last minute things that the old folks can come out with....now this is why there should always be proper planning in advance to look into things that needs to be done from A-to-Z. thankfully it wasn't some really out of this world and out of the way kind of arrangement. felt really sorry for the groom.....

anyway, with these insights, it is quite confirmed to say that weddings aren't something which is easy to deal with, especially when the old folks get into the picture for this and that. isn't the wedding for the couple rather than the old folks?

i miss my bed.....i miss my comforter...i miss my pillows.....i miss my sleep!!

Friday, October 28, 2005

low blow 2

this week has been a pretty sucky week. can hardly concentrate and stay focused at work. don't know where to start. so many things running through my mind. i feel like i'm going to EXPLODE and my brains splattered all over the office. can't seem to get myself working properly. what could be the reason? exhaustion? stress? frustration? thinking too much?

arrgghh!! i give up on pasting the html codes for some test that i took on blogthings. keep getting error message that my html cannot be accepted.

oh well...haven't been been blogging for the past few days. all these mind boggling nonsense and frustration plus exhaustion has really gotten to me. just yesterday, it was announced, that as of 5pm (thursday) 27/10/05, our mother company, Media Prima has officially taken over 100% stake in ntv7. so now, Media Prima owns all private FTA (Free-To-Air) tv stations (TV3, 8TV, Channel 9, ntv7) other than tv1 and tv2. with that, media prima is turning into the likes of Mediacorp in singapore. what would this lead us to?

extracted from the star:

Friday October 28, 2005
Media Prima buys ntv7 for RM90mil


MEDIA Prima Bhd has agreed to buy Natseven TV Sdn Bhd, which owns and operates rival TV station ntv7, for RM90mil after helping the company deal with its debts.

Natseven, which will see its debt ring fenced, has net debt of RM145mil. Half the debt will be paid by the end of this year. The balance will be settled in three years, beginning in 2006.

The acquisition of ntv7 would see Media Prima control four free-to-air (FTA) TV stations in the country and catapult the company to the lead position in terms of viewers of the TV segment, including pay TV, where it will have a 48% share. Its share of advertising expenditure in the FTA segment will swell to 83%.

Apart from TV3, 8TV and ntv7, Media Prima is set to launch Channel 9 during the first quarter of next year.

“It is also the intention of Media Prima to manage and keep the brand of each TV network under its stable separate,'' Media Prima group managing director and CEO Abdul Rahman Ahmad said at a press conference in Kuala Lumpur yesterday.

Natseven has seen its revenue and profits slide over the past few years. The unaudited net loss for the six months to end-July was RM21.1mil and Rahman said ntv7 was forecast to generate revenue of RM90mil this year.


Media Prima chairman Datuk Abdul Mutalib Mohamed Razak (left) and Abdul Rahman Ahmad.
But Rahman said ntv7, with revenue ranging between RM100mil and RM120mil, will see its ebitda (earnings before income tax, depreciation and amortisation) profit swing into the black and contribute profits to Media Prima.

Apart from giving Media Prima a big share of viewers and advertising revenue, ntv7 can help Media Prima face the challenges of price discounting in TV advertisements.

Discounts given for TV ads are about 50%, the highest among media segments that include the radio and newspapers.

Rahman said Media Prima was targeting to save about RM15mil per year with ntv7, and the savings could be reinvested in improving the local content of its shows.

low blow

this week has been a pretty sucky week. can hardly concentrate and stay focused at work. don't know where to start. so many things running through my mind. i feel like i'm going to EXPLODE and my brains splattered all over the office. can't seem to get myself working properly. what could be the reason? exhaustion? stress? frustration? thinking too much?

Your Personality Profile
You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.
For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.
The World's Shortest Personality Test


You Are A Maple Tree



There's not anyone in this world quite like you.
You are full of imagination, ambition, and originality.
Shy but confident, you hunger for new experiences.
You have a good memory and learn easily.
You are sometimes nervous and always complex (especially in love).

What is Your Celtic Horoscope?


You Are the Individualist
4

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.
You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.
You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.
Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

What number are you?


Your Birthdate: October 23
With a birthday on the 23rd of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.
You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine. You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility. Very sociable, you make friends easily and you are an excellent traveling companion.
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?


yeah right! never thought of what all those things say about me as something for REAL. oh well, as the saying goes..."take everything with a pinch of salt".

Thursday, October 27, 2005

me japanese name

Your Japanese Name Is...
Shouta Kimura

my hidden talent?

Your Hidden Talent
You have the power to persuade and influence others.You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!
hmmm...really? am yet to realise this.....

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

down down down....

day's been rather down today. so lost....just don't have the mood to work...can hardly concentrate...don't know where to start...wonder what could be causing all these....guess the most immediate answer is could think of it maybe exhaustion has caught up with me...feel like i'm going to get ill as well...VoRTeX the machine need to be checked and serviced........

just as i thought could just chill out with some colleagues at travellers, one got an assignment, one got some last minute appointment, one got to finish up a freelance job....*sigh* looks like it's going to be lonely VoRTeX all by himself...think i'll just cancel off the chill out session. just go for me facial and home for a simple dinner with myself........... *sigh*

beautifool?

Oh heck! Another day has passed by. Could hardly concentrate on work. By the time I fell asleep this morning, it was around 3.30am! gosh! Set the a/c to shutdown at 7am so that I could wake up by the time my alarms rang at 7.30am didn’t seem to work. Think maybe it’s due to biological clock gone haywire over the weekend….sleeping only around 5-6am and waking up around 11. by the time I really woke up this morning, it was already 9 something! 2 hours overdue from my wake up time. Think I might have switched off my alarm while I was still asleep. Thank god there wasn’t any meeting schedule this morning.

Jumped out of bed and got ready as fast as I could. Got to the office around 10 something and had breakfast with a colleague. Had a small talk about what’s in the papers this morning and about relationship. Darn! can't find that article online....

Only really started work around 11 something. Didn’t know where to start actually. Meddling here and there, and before I know it, time for lunch. Went for lunch with cavin, G and yvevonn. Got back to office to finish off some stuff and headed out to sunway (Zest) for a press conference for a new program, Malaysia’s Most Beautiful. Well, not so new to me actually. Anyway, got there and did a round of rehearsal. Gosh! Stage filled with 15 women of all age and sizes and backgrounds. Imagine all 15 of them living under the same roof. Juiciest thing would be what happens within the 4 walls. J trust me, it’s not something that most would imagine, all prim and proper. Hehehe…there are quite a lot of “dirt” that I heard from the production people. Oh well…the perks of working in this line…eheheh….. ;-)

Anyway, everything went smoothly….coz VoRTeX was there…ahahah!! “Here I come to save the day” LOL! Yeah yeah…maybe I might sound cocky or whatever, I do believe I delivered what normally would take more than 1 person to get it running smoothly, especially when the so-called briefing done last minute. *pat pat VoRTeX* by the time the press conference ended and packed up, was already 9 something…and it was raining. Hmm…2 days of no rain over the weekend and today it rains. That’s good…for me at least….VoRTeX loves the rain! :-Ăž

Typing this in my room again, with the same settings as yesterday…room lighted only with the scented oil heater, lying in bed and the tv (playing “The Myth”) watching me. :-)

Well, I guess the neverending inquisitiveness of me for today would be, “what's the definition of beauty?” different people would have different thoughts and opinions. Inner beauty? Outer beauty? Which is more important? What’s the REAL meaning to it? Another very subjective matter….just with one word. Why does English have to be so complicated? Is there no direct answer to this? Guess the only explanation would be everyone’s different, hence the difference in ideas about beauty….some with an abstract answer, some with very straight forward answer, some with complicated answers, and the list goes on and on. Guess it’s just human to be like that….else if there’s a definite answer, we wouldn’t be humans, would we? Then it’ll be right or wrong, black or white…everything will be damn monotonous and boring……VoRTeX is still human….or maybe an android like the kid in A.I? hmmm….meybe……oh well, not going to ponder upon that anymore…time for some ZZZ… looking forward to my FREE facial session later today at 8pm, compliments from For Him, as my birthday treat. :-) yippie!! Now, when am I gonna get more pressies? VoRTeX want pressie…want many many pressies…VoRTeX never had such treat… :-( *stomp stomp…grumble grumble* still, am grateful for all the thoughts and presents i received.

Monday, October 24, 2005

women....?

just got back from mamak with cavin. Had a long chat bout quite a lot of stuff but the main topic was about work and life…..the neverending questioning….

As a summary, there’s this thing which we can’t seem to understand or have a clear explanation, with regards to the female gender. Why is it that there’s this requirement of the guys that they would like to date or want to be with, have to be taller than them? Well, call it whatever you want, but I just can’t get the grasp of what’s the logic behind this. I do admit that I’m not in the tall guy category but what the heck….what’s with a person’s height that makes such a difference? Does it mean that a guy who is taller than his partner would be able to provide security?

Then comes the next question, what’s with women wanting to look for guys who are older than them? Agreeable that it has been the culture or even upbringing that the guy is normally older than the girl…but what’s wrong with dating a younger guy? 1 explanation I can think of would be the mindset of these guys. I don’t blame that sometimes the guys that these women date are immature and shallow, but then again, that doesn’t mean that all guys are like that. There are times where the guy is even smarter or more mature in mind than their so called older partner. So what’s with these kind of criterion? Guys are to be blames for their incompetence? Just because a few black sheeps are like that doesn’t mean the whole population of the male species are like that. What bout women who are already considered adults but can’t even plan their lives properly? Shoot me or kill me for that matter, but I think it’s really absurd to judge a guy by the way he looks. Why should be person be judged based on their appearance? True to the fact that your outlook reflects your personality but that’s not always the case. I’d vouch for that statement as the REAL me is not a reflection of what I look like externally.

Can anybody enlighten me on this? Call it male ego or whatever, but I am just not convinced by these reasons or rather excuses. How many taller and older guys can actually fulfill your requirements? Isn’t the consideration supposed to be as a whole package rather than just what you see from the outside? Why does it have to look like a taboo and a disadvantage for guys who are younger and vertically challenged?

Think i better stop here and get some zzz before I get totally burnt out later at work.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

*ho hum*

got back to kl just before dinner time. went over to munster's place to drop off some jelly. didn't make it in time for tennis. met a few new faces this time. emm...pardon my short memory, but can't remember everyone's name. think i'd need more gingko supplments? never good with names, especially when being introduced for the first time.

joined munster and her friends for a drink and then had dinner at this place called Friendster cafe. gosh! what a rip off of the logo and name. just wondering when would they be slapped with a lawsuit. anyway, dinner was just munster, syan and me. quite an interesting character this syan guy. dinner was alright but what's more interesting was the conversation. finished my dinner and went to the washroom. just as i got back to my seat, in the background were people singing happy birthday. that was when munster started, "wonder whose birthday is it?" turned around and saw a line of waiters bringing a slice of cake with a candle on. the cake was then placed on our table. gosh! surprise surprise surprise.....never much of a person who like surprises. but then again, somehow munster and syan managed to pull it off covertly. i kept saying "shouldn't have gone to the washroom"

nevertheless, i guess i was quite overwhelmed by the simple gesture. if i was like really awake and mind's working fast, i would have shed tears! i just realised something which never really occured on my mind. i guess i'm quite easily satisfied when it comes to gestures like this. doesn't matter if the material item is just something cheap and small. that's just material stuff. it comes and goes. what's more important is the thoughts that counts. that's PRICELESS! just can't get over it that this birthday is quite special in a sense that there were quite a few gestures which i never expected to happen to me...more of what i would plan for others.

munster, if you're reading this, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. you're the best. *hugz* you really touched the other side of me which i never realised was still in existence.

here i am in my room typing this blog while listening to Jay Chou. could be said that i'm getting in touch with my chinaman side or whatever. just thought i'd give it a try since i never really got to listening to chinese stuff. another reason would be the curiosity of why this guy is so likeable. 1 thing i know for sure would be his looks but that's not for me. i'd like to know better of what he is capable of musically.

anyway, am waiting for cavin to arrive and pick me up for mamak. he could nicely asked me what the hell am i doing at home on my birthday...ehheheh....really can't think of anything to say. guess the subliminal part of me just want to spend some quiet time by myself in the room with dim lights and aromatherapy to calm myself down and reflect on my weekend, or rather my birthday...what's been happening for the past 27 years.........many things come and go...many things happened...good and bad...sweet and bitter.....

lets see how much i can recall.....
2004: last year was just another day
2003: ago was the official trade launch for 8TV
2002: ………..
darn…can hardly remember…that’s how insignificant my birthdays are. :-(

when love and hate collide

You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl
for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall
but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby
united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know
I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby
time after time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more
I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby
like an act of war
I could tell a million lies
and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger
hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

You could have a change of heart
if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

why are feelings so complicated?

so many things running through my mind....work...life....

the drive home after meeting up with the gang brought about many questions and thoughts. so many things that i'd like to do but never got to doing it. why? what's holding me back? call it excuses or whatever, but after much thoughts, it mainly boils downs to 2 main circumstances: TIME and MONEY. but i guess i shouldn't let that stop me from executing what i really want to do...especially with so many things happening around me...LIFE'S SHORT!

read a friend's blog and her latest post was about matters concerning love. can't agree more with her about getting over it and moving along. somehow, it seems easier said than done, in REALITY. theoratically, it all seems rather simple but when it comes to execution, there will always be some sort of barrier that stops us. wonder what could be the devil that holds us back? what i can think of in this instant is the conflict between rationale and emotions. we try to tell ourselves that we have to get this solved, over and done with...but somehow or rather, emotions always get in the way and cloud our minds with what we actually want to do. this affects the rationale side as well as the heart. why does it have to be this way? i salute to those of you who could actually stick by your decision on what to do and not let emotions take over. i, for one, am trying very hard to work things out myself.....the conflict between emotions and rationale.

next comes the part of why do we put up an invisible shield like as though everything's fine and well on our side? is it ego? it is guilt? is it.........(can't think of anything else at the moment). one thing i can't get (and i'm guilty of it as well i guess) is that why do we have these invisible shields? why do we stop ourselves from moving on and proceeding? is it due to the fear of being hurt again? fear of making the wrong moves or decisions?

but heck! this is L-I-F-E! everything is a gamble. there's no sure win. you win some you lose some. what is the meaning of life if you take the risk and gamble? it's just about the calculated risk that you're taking. but then again, you've got nobody to blame if you made the wrong decision nor could you blame yourself, coz if you never tried, you never know. decisions...decisions.....some could lead to a good outcome, some bad...but nevertheless, no matter how bad it is, there's always a lesson to be learnt from it. most importantly is to pick yourself up and move on. don't stay put at that situation and cry and get all depressed about it. be strong and learn the lesson out of it. as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy". you're never right all the time. every bad thing that happens, there are reasons to it. personally, i'd look at it as a blessing in disguise, especially if it's something that you discovered in the early stages that you were wrong. that doesn't mean if you found out about it in the later stages, it's the end of everything. tell yourself this, BE STRONG AND CALM. so what if you feel like breaking down. chill! you're just himan and it's just human to do that. trust me, that's one hell of a better way to vent it out rather than hurting yourself.

what's left for me to say here is don't be afraid to make the wrong decisions or move. learn a lesson from the downfalls. a simple metaphor would be a child. before he/she could walk, there would be many falls and injuries. though it hurts but at least the child knows what to do in the future, preventing himself/herself from falling down and hurting themself.

as an end for this long neverending post, i'd like to thank you for reading it from start till end. whether it makes sense to you or not, it's up to you to think about it. though i'm not too good with poems like what many people would be, i'd like to quote the words of these rap, which seems more REAL to me without having to think too deeply:

Over and Over
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo


I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo


I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me thought
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head


N Dey Say
Yeah, Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah,
Let's Go

Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh


Hold up stop now let me get a look at ya,
Damn girl I ain't seen you since prom,
Come to think about it I can't believe its been that long,
I heard your man locked down now how long he gone.... Oh dat long
How the hell he get time like that?
Three strikes with possession, aww he ain't comin back,
He left you with 2 kids and bills all around,
Plus you found out he had another chick cross-town,
It's always the darkness right before the sun rises
And you gotta stay strong for the kids in their eyes and
Please don't despise and go against all brothers and
have a hatred in your heart and take it out on another,
I hate to sound Tupacish now momma but keep your head up,
But you gon' make it I promise you keep your head up
And that, that don't kill you only makes you stronger
And the will to succeed will only feed the hunger,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)

[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohh

I was at the gas station and a man walked past
With his sign will work for food, clothes or cash
and he asked if he could pump my gas, so I let him
Clean the windshield and throw out the trash, so I let him (Hey)
I even asked a brother his name, where he was from, got kids man
and what's their ages
He kinda stuttered for a second, he kinda looked surprised that
anyone would even take an interest in his life
He said young brother dem the only words I done heard in the last
year that wasn't no
or get the fuck away from here
How could somthin so simple as general conversation
Mean much more than general conversation? (Hey)
You could tell life had beaten him down
Like he was in the title fight and this might be his last round
Sometimes the easiest things we take for granted
Until they gone, then realise we even had it,
Fo' Real (Fo' Real, Fo' Real)

[Chorus]

Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh oh ohhhhh

I used to think that life had a plan for me
Until I realised life had to be planned by me, see that's the key
I only deal with what I can see cause over history, mystery brought
us nothin but misery
Man more people done died in the name of the lord
Than in any natural disaster, disease or gangwars
Before guns there was swords and they was killin each other
and what's changed to this day still killin each other
Killin a brother while another mother cries for help
Man! we need to help a brother find themself
Feed em light 1, 2, 3
Hey! that's something every brother should see and that's Fo' Real,
and that's Fo' Real, and that's Fo' Real

[Chorus]
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhhh ohh ohhhhhhhh
Ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhhhh
N dey say ohhhhh ohhh ohh